With the rising tide of unemployment in this country I was wondering what it would be like if our Biblical fathers had to experience a day on the unemployment line. Let's consider a long line in the Egyptian Social Services building extending around the block on a terribly hot afternoon in Cairo.
Anwar Sadatsky is the interviewer who has half-heartedly remained at his post to try to help Egyptian citizens who are out of work. The next person in line approaches him. He's a bit bedraggled and hasn't had a shave in many days. His clothes are tattered and torn and he wears his hair covered in a skullcap resting on his head. Anwar asks, "What is your name sir?". The man answers "Moses". Anwar asks "first name?". The stranger answers "Moses". "And what is your last name?" The answer..."Moses". "So you are called Moses Moses?" The man replied, "Just call me Moses".
"And Mr. Moses, how long have you been out of work?" Answer "forty days and forty nights". "What line of work were you in last?" Answer "Prophet". A surprised Anwar asks "So you were in Propheteering?" "No, says Moses" "Just a simple old Prophet". "And who did you work for during your tenure as a Prophet?" The answer "The Lord". What did The Lord have you do in your daily tasks?" "He wanted me to lead my people out of the wilderness".
Anwar then turns to his colleague Ismael and says "Hey Issy, you've got to hear this" "This guy says he's a prophet and his job is leading his people out of the wilderness and he works for The Lord." Ismael says "Ask him when he last talked to his boss". Moses replies "The other day on the mountain". "Really" says Ismael, "and how does he talk to you when he has jobs for you to do up on that mountain". Moses replies "In a burning bush".
So after evaluating Moses, the two Social Workers decide to send him for an interview to a travel agency in Cairo where Moses can best use his talents. He worked there for many years and was even given a piece of the business.
Why can't that happy ending be as easy to replicate nowadays?
Thursday, December 31, 2009
Thursday, December 17, 2009
Frauds on the Corner
I know this is the season of giving and peace but I have a strong feeling that there are some who don't deserve it.
When passing a corner not too far from my home I spied a guy with a sign indicating he's homeless, hungry, and in need of medical supplies. He has his pant leg rolled up to the knee, graphically displaying an open wound of about 4 inches in length, bright red, and fairly deep. My problem is that I saw him on this same corner two weeks ago with a older sign, displaying the same injured leg. There was no measurable difference in the wound this week. It is the same size and color it was two weeks ago. I don't like being a cynic but this is either the best cosmetic make-up job I've ever seen or this guy is due for Gangrene therapy. I thought it would be cute to watch him after I gave him a roll of sterile bandages.
The other day I saw three perfectly healthy teenage kids with their dog on another corner. Their sign read "Travelers in Need of Some Help". Their dog seemed well-fed and happy. The kids were smoking cigarettes. Do you know the cost of cigarettes lately? Maybe they drove down to Virginia in their Prius and got the butts at a reduced price.
I really want to help these people but I don't feel they would use my donation wisely. I recall a skit somewhere on TV some time back where there was a company offering franchises to those who wanted to beg on corners. For 3 payments of $19.99 (plus S&H) you could get a cardboard sign, ragged clothes, a rented wheelchair to prop up on the STOP sign, and guaranteed access to a corner near your home.
One of these days I'm going to follow one of these panhandlers to see where they head home. Maybe to a high-rise in Suburbia?
...and thanks to the lady in the front of our line of cars who kept looking for change to give this guy and made the rest of us miss the green light!!
When passing a corner not too far from my home I spied a guy with a sign indicating he's homeless, hungry, and in need of medical supplies. He has his pant leg rolled up to the knee, graphically displaying an open wound of about 4 inches in length, bright red, and fairly deep. My problem is that I saw him on this same corner two weeks ago with a older sign, displaying the same injured leg. There was no measurable difference in the wound this week. It is the same size and color it was two weeks ago. I don't like being a cynic but this is either the best cosmetic make-up job I've ever seen or this guy is due for Gangrene therapy. I thought it would be cute to watch him after I gave him a roll of sterile bandages.
The other day I saw three perfectly healthy teenage kids with their dog on another corner. Their sign read "Travelers in Need of Some Help". Their dog seemed well-fed and happy. The kids were smoking cigarettes. Do you know the cost of cigarettes lately? Maybe they drove down to Virginia in their Prius and got the butts at a reduced price.
I really want to help these people but I don't feel they would use my donation wisely. I recall a skit somewhere on TV some time back where there was a company offering franchises to those who wanted to beg on corners. For 3 payments of $19.99 (plus S&H) you could get a cardboard sign, ragged clothes, a rented wheelchair to prop up on the STOP sign, and guaranteed access to a corner near your home.
One of these days I'm going to follow one of these panhandlers to see where they head home. Maybe to a high-rise in Suburbia?
...and thanks to the lady in the front of our line of cars who kept looking for change to give this guy and made the rest of us miss the green light!!
Thursday, November 26, 2009
Why NYers are different than the rest of us.
We visited the Big Apple for three days celebrating our anniversary. My antennae were up watching and listening to the sights and sounds of Manhattan. There are no people on Earth like NYers.
When you walk down the street you must keep the pace up or you might get walked over by people moving rapidly, trying to get to and from work. They don't see you or hear you because they all have cell phones stuck in their ears. Everybody's talking business and the adjectives are colorful. Its hard to find an obese person walking on the streets of NYC unless they are visitors. I guess that's because of the daily challenges of getting to and from their jobs using the subway.
I still haven't figured out the layout of Manhattan and probably never will. Its hard to fake out that you really don't know where you are and how to get to where you're going. However my handy-dandy iPhone, with its map app helps a whole lot, along with Geri's subway map (which as a REAL guy I refuse to use!) I wonder how the iPhone knows that you're walking because the directions are for walking, not driving.
You want to know why NYers are aggressive people? Just try to get a cab without running out in the middle of the street and stopping one of those Yellow Monsters with your hand. With enough of that action they ought to give you a Black Belt in Ti Quon Cabbie!
Every NY guy wears a business suit. They don't wear sports jackets and slacks. Why is this? There is no dress-down Friday in NYC.
Every guy with an unshaven beard, diamond earring, jeans below his hips and $150 Addidas basketball shoes is a plain-clothes cop. How do I know this? Because when they walk past you it sounds like they're talking to themselves until you hear the conversation about what a certain perpetrator looks like and where he can be found. The heavy metal object sticking out from under his tie-dyed-T-shirt is another give-a-way (I gotta stop using all these hyphens).
I don't want to totally bash NYC and NYers because we had a great time during our stay. Most NYers were very nice. In fact we were standing by the subway entrance trying to figure out where to catch a certain train when a guy stopped and asked if he could help us. After he explained how and where to go I had a better appreciation of the home-towners. Was I supposed to give him a tip?
When you walk down the street you must keep the pace up or you might get walked over by people moving rapidly, trying to get to and from work. They don't see you or hear you because they all have cell phones stuck in their ears. Everybody's talking business and the adjectives are colorful. Its hard to find an obese person walking on the streets of NYC unless they are visitors. I guess that's because of the daily challenges of getting to and from their jobs using the subway.
I still haven't figured out the layout of Manhattan and probably never will. Its hard to fake out that you really don't know where you are and how to get to where you're going. However my handy-dandy iPhone, with its map app helps a whole lot, along with Geri's subway map (which as a REAL guy I refuse to use!) I wonder how the iPhone knows that you're walking because the directions are for walking, not driving.
You want to know why NYers are aggressive people? Just try to get a cab without running out in the middle of the street and stopping one of those Yellow Monsters with your hand. With enough of that action they ought to give you a Black Belt in Ti Quon Cabbie!
Every NY guy wears a business suit. They don't wear sports jackets and slacks. Why is this? There is no dress-down Friday in NYC.
Every guy with an unshaven beard, diamond earring, jeans below his hips and $150 Addidas basketball shoes is a plain-clothes cop. How do I know this? Because when they walk past you it sounds like they're talking to themselves until you hear the conversation about what a certain perpetrator looks like and where he can be found. The heavy metal object sticking out from under his tie-dyed-T-shirt is another give-a-way (I gotta stop using all these hyphens).
I don't want to totally bash NYC and NYers because we had a great time during our stay. Most NYers were very nice. In fact we were standing by the subway entrance trying to figure out where to catch a certain train when a guy stopped and asked if he could help us. After he explained how and where to go I had a better appreciation of the home-towners. Was I supposed to give him a tip?
Sunday, November 15, 2009
"Rainman" Revisited
A few years back I took a substitute teacher job in a Special Education self-contained class in a local high school. I wasn't sure what to expect so I stayed open-minded until I saw what I was in for. The class was in the (FALS) Functional Academic Learning Support program. These are kids who stay in a self-contained environment for Reading and Math, then go to other subjects as Inclusion students (Phys Ed, Art, Foods) then return after lunch to the FALS classroom for Socialization skills.
I really enjoyed my experience that day. A few days later I was asked if I'd consider a long-term sub position in that class while the teacher was on maternity leave. I thought about it for a while and accepted the job. It was supposed to be for 8 weeks but turned out to be 11. I bonded with those kids and enjoyed every day with them.
Now there's a different teacher in the class, just as committed to these kids as the previous one. He calls me each time he needs a sub and I look forward to being with the kids.They stay in the program, if necessary, until they are 21. Those who can function well enough can move to another level at a local university. They think they are in college but it's actually an extension of the same environment they've been in before.
Ricardo is now 18 years old. He is one of my favorites. I spend a lot of time trying to help him in Reading and Math but his ability and comprehension levels keep him at a rather stationary stage. He can't work much with any Arithmetic beyond single digit numbers. Recently his teacher decided to let him use a calculator some of the time so he's not so frustrated. In Reading, I mostly read to him and he enjoys that. Twice weekly the kids go out to work experiences at local businesses who cooperate with the program. Ricardo was a bagger at a grocery store. He loved it! I remember one day while waiting for him to get back on the bus he came out of the door waving dollar bills in his hand. He was so proud of the fact that people were giving him a tip for helping to bag their groceries. He yelled at me, "Look Coach, they gave me money!"
David is closer to 21 and tried the college experience for a while but could not function in it very well so he's back in the FALS program in high school. He is more functional then most of the kids. He can go home on his own and even takes public transportation to sports events where he meets his father. He remembers everyone's birthday. Whenever I ask him mine he nails it every time. Problem is he needs so much attention that some businesses ask that he not return because he requires so much attention. He asks a question about every 15 seconds.
Bobby will be trying out for the next sequel of "Rainman". I love Bobby. He talks a mile a minute and has a smile on his face 24/7. Some of his functions need constant reminders so I set up a special "Code Red" between him and me to remind him when to visit the rest room. Bobby stays out in the hall and directs traffic during class changes so other students aren't late to their next class. They all "high 5" him as they pass by. While we waited for the bus after his work experience, he and I set up a radio show on the steps of a pet store. His job there was to clean the front of the aquariums. Bobby did the weather and I did the sports. I would introduce him as our on site weatherman and ask him what his prediction would be for the day. He always answered the same way.... "Nice". Bobby and I had lots of fun with that schtick and the other kids with us really enjoyed his "reports". I was always hoping the bus would be late so we could keep doing our radio show.
So this is a small sample of the kids I work with when I sub in this program. To tell you the truth, I'd do it for nothing if the County could no longer pay for subs. I love these kids.
I really enjoyed my experience that day. A few days later I was asked if I'd consider a long-term sub position in that class while the teacher was on maternity leave. I thought about it for a while and accepted the job. It was supposed to be for 8 weeks but turned out to be 11. I bonded with those kids and enjoyed every day with them.
Now there's a different teacher in the class, just as committed to these kids as the previous one. He calls me each time he needs a sub and I look forward to being with the kids.They stay in the program, if necessary, until they are 21. Those who can function well enough can move to another level at a local university. They think they are in college but it's actually an extension of the same environment they've been in before.
Ricardo is now 18 years old. He is one of my favorites. I spend a lot of time trying to help him in Reading and Math but his ability and comprehension levels keep him at a rather stationary stage. He can't work much with any Arithmetic beyond single digit numbers. Recently his teacher decided to let him use a calculator some of the time so he's not so frustrated. In Reading, I mostly read to him and he enjoys that. Twice weekly the kids go out to work experiences at local businesses who cooperate with the program. Ricardo was a bagger at a grocery store. He loved it! I remember one day while waiting for him to get back on the bus he came out of the door waving dollar bills in his hand. He was so proud of the fact that people were giving him a tip for helping to bag their groceries. He yelled at me, "Look Coach, they gave me money!"
David is closer to 21 and tried the college experience for a while but could not function in it very well so he's back in the FALS program in high school. He is more functional then most of the kids. He can go home on his own and even takes public transportation to sports events where he meets his father. He remembers everyone's birthday. Whenever I ask him mine he nails it every time. Problem is he needs so much attention that some businesses ask that he not return because he requires so much attention. He asks a question about every 15 seconds.
Bobby will be trying out for the next sequel of "Rainman". I love Bobby. He talks a mile a minute and has a smile on his face 24/7. Some of his functions need constant reminders so I set up a special "Code Red" between him and me to remind him when to visit the rest room. Bobby stays out in the hall and directs traffic during class changes so other students aren't late to their next class. They all "high 5" him as they pass by. While we waited for the bus after his work experience, he and I set up a radio show on the steps of a pet store. His job there was to clean the front of the aquariums. Bobby did the weather and I did the sports. I would introduce him as our on site weatherman and ask him what his prediction would be for the day. He always answered the same way.... "Nice". Bobby and I had lots of fun with that schtick and the other kids with us really enjoyed his "reports". I was always hoping the bus would be late so we could keep doing our radio show.
So this is a small sample of the kids I work with when I sub in this program. To tell you the truth, I'd do it for nothing if the County could no longer pay for subs. I love these kids.
Friday, October 16, 2009
Teacher Jokes
____________________________________
TEACHER: M aria, go to the map and find North America
MARIA: Here it is.
TEACHER: Correct. Now class, who discovered America ?
CLASS: Maria.
____________________________________
TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?
JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables.
__________________________________________
TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell 'crocodile?'
GLENN: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L'
TEACHER: No, that's wrong
GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.
(I Love this kid)
____________________________________________ 0D
TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
DONALD: H I J K L M N O.
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
DONALD: Yesterday you said it's H to O..
____________________________ ______
TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't
have ten years ago.
WINNIE: Me!
__________________________________________
TEACHER: Glen, why do you always get so dirty?
GLEN: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.
_____________________________________
TEACHER: Millie, give me a sentence starting with ' I '
MILLIE: I is..
TEACHER: No, Millie..... Always say, 'I am.'
MILLIE: All right... 'I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.'
________________________________
TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry
tree, but also admitted=2 0it.
Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't punish him?
LOUIS: Because George still had the axe in his hand.
______________________________________
TEACHER: Now, Simon, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
SIMON: No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook.
______________________________
TEACHER: Clyde , your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as
your brother's. Did you copy his?
CLYDE : No, sir. It's the same dog.
___________________________________
TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when=2
0
people are no longer interested?
HAROLD: A teacher
__________________________________
TEACHER: M aria, go to the map and find North America
MARIA: Here it is.
TEACHER: Correct. Now class, who discovered America ?
CLASS: Maria.
____________________________________
TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?
JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables.
__________________________________________
TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell 'crocodile?'
GLENN: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L'
TEACHER: No, that's wrong
GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.
(I Love this kid)
____________________________________________ 0D
TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
DONALD: H I J K L M N O.
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
DONALD: Yesterday you said it's H to O..
____________________________ ______
TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't
have ten years ago.
WINNIE: Me!
__________________________________________
TEACHER: Glen, why do you always get so dirty?
GLEN: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.
_____________________________________
TEACHER: Millie, give me a sentence starting with ' I '
MILLIE: I is..
TEACHER: No, Millie..... Always say, 'I am.'
MILLIE: All right... 'I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.'
________________________________
TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry
tree, but also admitted=2 0it.
Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't punish him?
LOUIS: Because George still had the axe in his hand.
______________________________________
TEACHER: Now, Simon, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
SIMON: No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook.
______________________________
TEACHER: Clyde , your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as
your brother's. Did you copy his?
CLYDE : No, sir. It's the same dog.
___________________________________
TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when=2
0
people are no longer interested?
HAROLD: A teacher
__________________________________
Monday, October 5, 2009
BAD Experiences at the Super Market
Have you ever had bad experiences at the Super Market? I have.
There are a few near our house that I rotate going to depending on how I feel that day. The one that stands out in the Worst Experiences category is the one that rhymes with "BOPPERS". I went there recently to get some things we needed. They don't accept coupons because they claim their prices are so low you don't need coupons. Well you can't prove that to me from what I've seen. Actually their prices are usually higher than the others I frequent.
Anyway, I loaded my cart up at the local "BOPPERS" Super Market and after being certain I paid way too much for the articles, I started for the check-out line. There was only one woman in the line I picked so I figured I was home-free because I couldn't see anything she had other than a couple of gallons of milk and some bread. She handed the clerk some sort of card that looked like a gift card. The clerk tried the card and it wouldn't register. She tried again and still no luck. The woman claimed that someone else had given her the card to buy the groceries and that she was sure it should work.
During this situation I had placed all my articles on the belt waiting for this lady to complete her transaction.
Now the clerk calls her partner clerk next to her to see if she's doing anything wrong in registering the card. The partner can't get the card to register either. By this time I'm in line with my purchases for about 10 minutes. I look around and there are 2 registers open without customers, but all my stuff is on the belt!
So to get back to the story...the 2 clerks call the manager who brings his assistant with him to try to figure out why this woman's card won't
register. There are now 4 experts trying to log in this card! After another 5 minutes the woman says to the manager, "I guess there wasn't
enough money on the card for these purchases"...and hands the group ANOTHER card to try.
This is where my patience button has been pushed!!! I grab all the stuff from the belt, throw it into my cart and push the cart toward the managers office. As I pass the manager I state," Here's my over-priced stuff, you can put it back if you ever finish with this woman who obviously doesn't have enough money for her purchase!!...and I left.
Do these stores see me coming I wonder?
There are a few near our house that I rotate going to depending on how I feel that day. The one that stands out in the Worst Experiences category is the one that rhymes with "BOPPERS". I went there recently to get some things we needed. They don't accept coupons because they claim their prices are so low you don't need coupons. Well you can't prove that to me from what I've seen. Actually their prices are usually higher than the others I frequent.
Anyway, I loaded my cart up at the local "BOPPERS" Super Market and after being certain I paid way too much for the articles, I started for the check-out line. There was only one woman in the line I picked so I figured I was home-free because I couldn't see anything she had other than a couple of gallons of milk and some bread. She handed the clerk some sort of card that looked like a gift card. The clerk tried the card and it wouldn't register. She tried again and still no luck. The woman claimed that someone else had given her the card to buy the groceries and that she was sure it should work.
During this situation I had placed all my articles on the belt waiting for this lady to complete her transaction.
Now the clerk calls her partner clerk next to her to see if she's doing anything wrong in registering the card. The partner can't get the card to register either. By this time I'm in line with my purchases for about 10 minutes. I look around and there are 2 registers open without customers, but all my stuff is on the belt!
So to get back to the story...the 2 clerks call the manager who brings his assistant with him to try to figure out why this woman's card won't
register. There are now 4 experts trying to log in this card! After another 5 minutes the woman says to the manager, "I guess there wasn't
enough money on the card for these purchases"...and hands the group ANOTHER card to try.
This is where my patience button has been pushed!!! I grab all the stuff from the belt, throw it into my cart and push the cart toward the managers office. As I pass the manager I state," Here's my over-priced stuff, you can put it back if you ever finish with this woman who obviously doesn't have enough money for her purchase!!...and I left.
Do these stores see me coming I wonder?
Saturday, September 12, 2009
Violation! Walking down the left side of the hall!
I substitute occasionally in a local public middle school. Its an eye-opening experience. Those kiddies are sssooo small! If the rules and regulations followed in this middle school were carried along to high school and college we wouldn't have any discipline problems with the 15+ age groups.
First of all the kids line up in the hallways prior to the start of school and wait for the morning bell to ring. They are quiet and reserved and are looking forward to their day of school. When the bell rings (or buzzer to be exact) they walk quietly down the hallways to their lockers to get organized for the day (how can 11 or 12-yr-old kids be organized?).
Then the rules of the school kick in. First they must walk on the Right side of the hall. Believe it or not there is a yellow line (I'm surprised its not RED) down the middle of the hallway and God forbid anyone walk on or over that line. I've heard teachers (ALL of whom are in the hallways supervising) scream at a kid 20 yards away to get on the Right side of the line! Then they line up against the wall next to their classrooms. They must not enter until the teacher gives them permission. After the "go ahead" sign the teacher greets each one before they enter the class with a "Good Morning" or some other innocuous greeting to put them on notice that "Big Brother" is watching them throughout the day.
I've heard several teachers start to count down from "5" so that when they get to "1" there is complete quiet in the room. At lunch the Assistant Principal requires students to be absolutely quiet during lunch dismissal; if they are caught talking they lose the privilege of sitting wherever and with whomever they want at lunch the following week. This is a cruel and unusual punishment!
At the end of the day these youngsters have more energy then the Everready Bunny. I'm barely able to keep my eyes open and they're ready for another 6 class periods.
I was wondering if the staff at the middle schools could follow their students to high school and the high school teachers could slide to elementary school and work their way up again in the rotation. This way all the schools could improve. How come all the "Big Shots" didn't think of this? Might be a paperwork headache for the Personnel Department.
First of all the kids line up in the hallways prior to the start of school and wait for the morning bell to ring. They are quiet and reserved and are looking forward to their day of school. When the bell rings (or buzzer to be exact) they walk quietly down the hallways to their lockers to get organized for the day (how can 11 or 12-yr-old kids be organized?).
Then the rules of the school kick in. First they must walk on the Right side of the hall. Believe it or not there is a yellow line (I'm surprised its not RED) down the middle of the hallway and God forbid anyone walk on or over that line. I've heard teachers (ALL of whom are in the hallways supervising) scream at a kid 20 yards away to get on the Right side of the line! Then they line up against the wall next to their classrooms. They must not enter until the teacher gives them permission. After the "go ahead" sign the teacher greets each one before they enter the class with a "Good Morning" or some other innocuous greeting to put them on notice that "Big Brother" is watching them throughout the day.
I've heard several teachers start to count down from "5" so that when they get to "1" there is complete quiet in the room. At lunch the Assistant Principal requires students to be absolutely quiet during lunch dismissal; if they are caught talking they lose the privilege of sitting wherever and with whomever they want at lunch the following week. This is a cruel and unusual punishment!
At the end of the day these youngsters have more energy then the Everready Bunny. I'm barely able to keep my eyes open and they're ready for another 6 class periods.
I was wondering if the staff at the middle schools could follow their students to high school and the high school teachers could slide to elementary school and work their way up again in the rotation. This way all the schools could improve. How come all the "Big Shots" didn't think of this? Might be a paperwork headache for the Personnel Department.
Saturday, August 8, 2009
Caveat Emptor!!!
I really hesitate writing this blog because I treasure my good judgment in most things I get involved with. However in this scenario I was duped and take the blame for my foolishness.
After nurturing my Hyundai XG350 up to 78,000 miles in almost 5 years it was time for a new car. I started looking for a Dodge Caliber since I heard it was a good American car that was comfortable and had good gas mileage. I went to a local dealer who had a "special" price on one of these, several "$K" under the others. I called and was told the reason for the price drop was that there were several "incentives" involved.
So I'm traveling up the road to test drive this baby and arrive at the dealership with the car polished and ready for me to slip into. The Head Salesman makes the following remark just before I turn on the ignition, "The salesperson on the phone told you this car had no A/C didn't she?". After a few well chosen words I left.
Down the highway I go. I pass a Kia Dealership and pull in. I had a friend who had a Kia Sportage and loved it, so I thought I'd check out a used Kia, something I could afford. I hadn't even closed my car door before the hungry salesman came running up to me. I asked about a used Kia Sportage. He said he had none but he could put me in a new one for almost the same money as I was going to spend on the Caliber.
After a test drive he ushered me into the dealership where I saw several other hungry salesmen loitering around. After meeting with his "superior" and being in the place almost 2 hours, they beat me down enough to have me leave a deposit and agree to take a new Kia Sportage 2 days hence. I had signed a few papers (left with no copies) and told them I would pick up the car 2 days later. I was the only one in the dealership at that time and it was almost one hour after they had closed. I was tired, beaten down, and submissive.
The next day another Kia dealer called me. I had gone online to get 3 quotes before I went to the 1st dealer. The 2nd guy said he could beat the price by a bunch. I told him I had signed papers and left a deposit at the 1st dealer. He said, after checking with his sales manager, that I could get out of that deal because I "didn't take delivery of the car". I asked him if he was sure. He checked again and told me he was sure.
Later that day I traveled up the highway to the 2nd dealer and met with the salesman and his boss who confirmed that I could get out of the 1st deal as long as I "didn't take delivery of the car". The 2nd dealer's Business Manager told me the same thing as I handed him the check for the car... which I drove home.
Are you getting the drift of the end of this story? Let's cut to the chase....I now owned TWO Kia Sportages!! The 1st dealer kept calling me to find out when I was picking up my car. I didn't answer his calls. He would not let me out of the contract I signed. I tried to get the 2nd dealer to take back the 2nd car. He offered me $4K under what I paid for it 2 days before.
I contacted a lawyer who thought that the Maryland law for a 3 day "cooling off" period would apply...it DIDN'T! He was wrong, the 2nd dealer was wrong, and I was stuck with two Kia Sportages.
I'll shorten this story...I hadn't slept, hadn't eaten, etc for several days. I wasn't sure what my options were anymore. So up the road I go on a suggestion from a friend to talk to the Head Honcho of ALL the dealerships associated with the 1st Kia Dealer. I offered to make it worth his while to get me out of the 1st contract. He agreed and let me out with a cash settlement.
This was my fault even though the 2nd dealer was really responsible for my troubles. Maryland law regarding recision of a contract only refers to contracts like home improvement, house purchases, etc. How many of you knew it didn't apply to contracts signed for automobiles?
By the way, I love my Kia Sportage even though it cost me "a bit more" than I planned. Do you trust ANY car salespeople???????
After nurturing my Hyundai XG350 up to 78,000 miles in almost 5 years it was time for a new car. I started looking for a Dodge Caliber since I heard it was a good American car that was comfortable and had good gas mileage. I went to a local dealer who had a "special" price on one of these, several "$K" under the others. I called and was told the reason for the price drop was that there were several "incentives" involved.
So I'm traveling up the road to test drive this baby and arrive at the dealership with the car polished and ready for me to slip into. The Head Salesman makes the following remark just before I turn on the ignition, "The salesperson on the phone told you this car had no A/C didn't she?". After a few well chosen words I left.
Down the highway I go. I pass a Kia Dealership and pull in. I had a friend who had a Kia Sportage and loved it, so I thought I'd check out a used Kia, something I could afford. I hadn't even closed my car door before the hungry salesman came running up to me. I asked about a used Kia Sportage. He said he had none but he could put me in a new one for almost the same money as I was going to spend on the Caliber.
After a test drive he ushered me into the dealership where I saw several other hungry salesmen loitering around. After meeting with his "superior" and being in the place almost 2 hours, they beat me down enough to have me leave a deposit and agree to take a new Kia Sportage 2 days hence. I had signed a few papers (left with no copies) and told them I would pick up the car 2 days later. I was the only one in the dealership at that time and it was almost one hour after they had closed. I was tired, beaten down, and submissive.
The next day another Kia dealer called me. I had gone online to get 3 quotes before I went to the 1st dealer. The 2nd guy said he could beat the price by a bunch. I told him I had signed papers and left a deposit at the 1st dealer. He said, after checking with his sales manager, that I could get out of that deal because I "didn't take delivery of the car". I asked him if he was sure. He checked again and told me he was sure.
Later that day I traveled up the highway to the 2nd dealer and met with the salesman and his boss who confirmed that I could get out of the 1st deal as long as I "didn't take delivery of the car". The 2nd dealer's Business Manager told me the same thing as I handed him the check for the car... which I drove home.
Are you getting the drift of the end of this story? Let's cut to the chase....I now owned TWO Kia Sportages!! The 1st dealer kept calling me to find out when I was picking up my car. I didn't answer his calls. He would not let me out of the contract I signed. I tried to get the 2nd dealer to take back the 2nd car. He offered me $4K under what I paid for it 2 days before.
I contacted a lawyer who thought that the Maryland law for a 3 day "cooling off" period would apply...it DIDN'T! He was wrong, the 2nd dealer was wrong, and I was stuck with two Kia Sportages.
I'll shorten this story...I hadn't slept, hadn't eaten, etc for several days. I wasn't sure what my options were anymore. So up the road I go on a suggestion from a friend to talk to the Head Honcho of ALL the dealerships associated with the 1st Kia Dealer. I offered to make it worth his while to get me out of the 1st contract. He agreed and let me out with a cash settlement.
This was my fault even though the 2nd dealer was really responsible for my troubles. Maryland law regarding recision of a contract only refers to contracts like home improvement, house purchases, etc. How many of you knew it didn't apply to contracts signed for automobiles?
By the way, I love my Kia Sportage even though it cost me "a bit more" than I planned. Do you trust ANY car salespeople???????
Sunday, July 19, 2009
A Night Out on the Town With My Best Gal
Our good friend Judy gave Geri and I free tickets to the BSO (Baltimore Symphony Orchestra) concert at Oregon Ridge Park, a converted ski slope in Northern Baltimore County, summer home of the BSO. This is a beautiful bucolic setting amidst lush trees and an immense old-time ski slope where many of us broke our necks as kids.
I was really looking forward to this concert featuring the famous hits of John Williams, composer of such memorable tunes as Star Wars, Superman, Born on the 4th of July, etc. We pulled up into the parking lot and right away figured something was wrong. There were 20 cars parked and the only noticeable clientele were at the swing set enjoying the evening. We looked at our tickets again and realized that even though we like to be early for functions, a week in advance of the concert was a bit excessive.
So now I suggest going to the movies. With us we have bottled water and zucchini bread I made for dessert. So we arrive at the Mall to try to find a place for coffee. Everyone's out on a beautiful humidity-free night. We grab a couple of iced coffees and make our way to the movies where we decide on "The Hangover", one of the 100 choices in this multiplex theatre.
We sit in the lobby with our iced coffee and zucchini bread snacks while others pay $14 for a large popcorn and medium-sized Coke. We were looking mighty guilty, trying to keep things out of sight, when a big-mouth lady hollers over to us, "Hey, where did you get the iced coffee, I want to buy one too". We felt like felons. We were directed by an employee to a sign on the wall that said "Those bringing outside food into this theatre will be punished to the full extent of the law". We looked around for hidden security cameras and prayed they didn't film us finishing our snacks before we went into the show.
The movie was hilarious!
The night was still young after the movie which was preceded by 37 previews of coming attractions both on the Big Screen and the TV Screen, and three separate warnings to turn off our cell phones. So we decided to get a drink at the Bamboo House, a Chinese Restaurant which converts into a geriatric dance floor after dark. I'm not saying the crowd is old but there is a Baltimore County ambulance on call right outside the door... just in case. We are greeted by a guy in a black muscle shirt whose arms are presented so as to flex his biceps for everyone entering to see. He's about 65 with coal black "Just for Men" colored hair. There were others around the bar who were conversing in hushed tones while others were trying to maneuver around for the best hook-ups before returning to the Retirement Community's bus waiting outside. I swear there was a guy who was at least 80 who wore more polyester than I've seen since 1968. His natty white shoes set him apart from everyone.
Anyway, we had a drink and observed a delightful dance crew having a great time. Tommy Vann's Band was playing. Tommy must be about 76 years old by now. I remember him from the 60's. He had a portable microphone with him and in the middle of a song he headed to the bathroom. There were 14 straight cha-cha's played. It was getting a bit boring.
Nothing more to report on the evening. It was an excellent night out with my best gal. I just wonder why the faces change so much from week to week at the Bamboo House. Must be the short life expectancy of 80-year-olds trying to jitterbug!!!
I was really looking forward to this concert featuring the famous hits of John Williams, composer of such memorable tunes as Star Wars, Superman, Born on the 4th of July, etc. We pulled up into the parking lot and right away figured something was wrong. There were 20 cars parked and the only noticeable clientele were at the swing set enjoying the evening. We looked at our tickets again and realized that even though we like to be early for functions, a week in advance of the concert was a bit excessive.
So now I suggest going to the movies. With us we have bottled water and zucchini bread I made for dessert. So we arrive at the Mall to try to find a place for coffee. Everyone's out on a beautiful humidity-free night. We grab a couple of iced coffees and make our way to the movies where we decide on "The Hangover", one of the 100 choices in this multiplex theatre.
We sit in the lobby with our iced coffee and zucchini bread snacks while others pay $14 for a large popcorn and medium-sized Coke. We were looking mighty guilty, trying to keep things out of sight, when a big-mouth lady hollers over to us, "Hey, where did you get the iced coffee, I want to buy one too". We felt like felons. We were directed by an employee to a sign on the wall that said "Those bringing outside food into this theatre will be punished to the full extent of the law". We looked around for hidden security cameras and prayed they didn't film us finishing our snacks before we went into the show.
The movie was hilarious!
The night was still young after the movie which was preceded by 37 previews of coming attractions both on the Big Screen and the TV Screen, and three separate warnings to turn off our cell phones. So we decided to get a drink at the Bamboo House, a Chinese Restaurant which converts into a geriatric dance floor after dark. I'm not saying the crowd is old but there is a Baltimore County ambulance on call right outside the door... just in case. We are greeted by a guy in a black muscle shirt whose arms are presented so as to flex his biceps for everyone entering to see. He's about 65 with coal black "Just for Men" colored hair. There were others around the bar who were conversing in hushed tones while others were trying to maneuver around for the best hook-ups before returning to the Retirement Community's bus waiting outside. I swear there was a guy who was at least 80 who wore more polyester than I've seen since 1968. His natty white shoes set him apart from everyone.
Anyway, we had a drink and observed a delightful dance crew having a great time. Tommy Vann's Band was playing. Tommy must be about 76 years old by now. I remember him from the 60's. He had a portable microphone with him and in the middle of a song he headed to the bathroom. There were 14 straight cha-cha's played. It was getting a bit boring.
Nothing more to report on the evening. It was an excellent night out with my best gal. I just wonder why the faces change so much from week to week at the Bamboo House. Must be the short life expectancy of 80-year-olds trying to jitterbug!!!
Sunday, July 12, 2009
Meals on Wings
We are a WILDLIFE HABITAT. You are probably wondering how a home in Towson, just a hop, step, and jump from the Beltway (I-695) could be so designated. Well my wife Geri is an environmentalist and a few years ago she found out how we could become a WILDLIFE HABITAT. You see all you have to do is put up a few bird feeders, have a water source available, and treat the wildlife as if they were family. I tried to convince my wife that our dog Pepper qualified but she wouldn't hear of it, so we joined.
Anyway, here's how you qualify....you send a $50.00 donation to the National Wildlife Federation and voila' you're in like Flynn. They even send you a neat plaque to hang on your fence alerting others (and the wildlife) that you now are one of the official "tree-huggers".
So each week or so I get in the car and go over to Walmart to purchase the Wildlife feed bag. This is a 40 lb bag (at $20 bucks) of wild bird seed for our winged friends that lasts 2 weeks. If you get specialty seeds its even more. We can't ask certain birds to eat just anything you know!! My wife also likes to see the Hummingbirds flit in and out, so once a week she cleans out the Hummingbird feeders and replaces sugar water for the lovely little teeny-weenies. I wish they'd stay around long enough to see what color they are but no such luck. They're in and out like your kids who come to dinner and leave 10 minutes after dessert!
Now on to the bird feeders. We have every imaginable variety of bird you could ask for, and even some you didn't ask for. For instance we now have a flock of Crows who visit frequently. Do you have any idea how ugly, large, and loud they are up close. They're black flying Turkeys! The Maryland Wildlife Bureau says you can't get rid of them until they're ready to leave. So I go outside and blow a whistle loud enough for them to look up for the moment and laugh at me. Problem is, the birds who land on the feeder don't necessarily like all the seeds on the menu, so they dump a lot of them on the ground for the crows, squirrels, and morning doves to eat.
Did I forget to tell you about Bambi and her friends. Would you like a temporary deer hunting license to come over here and "thin" the herd out? What about the "deer resistant" plants we spend so much money on? Don't the deer understand that they aren't supposed to like these plants that sell for $12.95 each??? Don't the deer understand that they're supposed to be afraid of humans and are not welcome up on our back porch to eat potted plants???
Doesn't this sound like fun? Get on your computer and go to NWF.org to join in the frivolity. You too can be a part of nature's best. Be patient because the animals have to live too you know!
Anyway, here's how you qualify....you send a $50.00 donation to the National Wildlife Federation and voila' you're in like Flynn. They even send you a neat plaque to hang on your fence alerting others (and the wildlife) that you now are one of the official "tree-huggers".
So each week or so I get in the car and go over to Walmart to purchase the Wildlife feed bag. This is a 40 lb bag (at $20 bucks) of wild bird seed for our winged friends that lasts 2 weeks. If you get specialty seeds its even more. We can't ask certain birds to eat just anything you know!! My wife also likes to see the Hummingbirds flit in and out, so once a week she cleans out the Hummingbird feeders and replaces sugar water for the lovely little teeny-weenies. I wish they'd stay around long enough to see what color they are but no such luck. They're in and out like your kids who come to dinner and leave 10 minutes after dessert!
Now on to the bird feeders. We have every imaginable variety of bird you could ask for, and even some you didn't ask for. For instance we now have a flock of Crows who visit frequently. Do you have any idea how ugly, large, and loud they are up close. They're black flying Turkeys! The Maryland Wildlife Bureau says you can't get rid of them until they're ready to leave. So I go outside and blow a whistle loud enough for them to look up for the moment and laugh at me. Problem is, the birds who land on the feeder don't necessarily like all the seeds on the menu, so they dump a lot of them on the ground for the crows, squirrels, and morning doves to eat.
Did I forget to tell you about Bambi and her friends. Would you like a temporary deer hunting license to come over here and "thin" the herd out? What about the "deer resistant" plants we spend so much money on? Don't the deer understand that they aren't supposed to like these plants that sell for $12.95 each??? Don't the deer understand that they're supposed to be afraid of humans and are not welcome up on our back porch to eat potted plants???
Doesn't this sound like fun? Get on your computer and go to NWF.org to join in the frivolity. You too can be a part of nature's best. Be patient because the animals have to live too you know!
Monday, June 15, 2009
The reports of my death have been greatly exaggerated...Mark Twain
Well, I'm back! Hospitals suck. There are too many nurses, too many doctors and too many wake-up calls in the middle of the night to see if you still have a pulse.
They say when you are out of it and in a near death experience you see a white light at the end of a tunnel. All I ever saw in the last two weeks was a red neon EMERGENCY sign.
I thought I was being a hero going through a third spinal surgery until the real problems showed up. While home recuperating from the back surgery (fused L1-5) I got these unbelievable pains in the belly that had nothing to do with all of the bills that came in the mail that day. After two episodes of that Geri took me to a local hospital in Towson on Charles Street where I whimpered for 2 hours before the triage folks finally felt they'd heard enough of my complaining and got me to a Doc. They brought in a surgeon who ordered lots of expensive tests and at 2:30 a.m. I was under the CatScan machine getting my insides on file. They took blood, x-rays, toe nail clippings, etc and finally, after staying the night, I was sent home with the suggestion that I keep an eye on the pain since it might involve the gall bladder. I told them I'd check into that every once in a while.
So two days later the pains come back stronger, only this time without a let-up and with a fever for extra measure. Back to my favorite EMERGENCY sign on Charles Street in Towson. This time, after the same expensive tests they decided that my gall bladder had no business being in my body any longer. So Emergency surgery was set up and into the OR I went. Recovery was tough since I still had this back surgery thing going. I tried to rent a hoist to get me up and out of bed but they said I had to do it myself.
A day later things were not going so smoothly. I was pretty well out of it, pain back, and healing not taking place. No details here since I don't want to try to remember this part. Anyway it was getting so bad that it was determinded by a couple of surgeons that another EMERGENCY surgery was needed to correct a problem at Ye Olde Gall Bladder Site. Since I had an "Open Door Policy" I gave them permission to enter my innards again, conveniently through the same front door they used two days before. This time they closed off a couple of leaking problems; I was properly sealed up and put back on the Psycho Ward.
Home now trying to find the humor in all this. Good thing I like to write since I relish talking about all this pain along the way. Nurses were great. Docs were great...I'll stick to athletics thank you very much.
See you at the ball park soon.
And thanks to Geri who is my Special Angel who got me through all this.
They say when you are out of it and in a near death experience you see a white light at the end of a tunnel. All I ever saw in the last two weeks was a red neon EMERGENCY sign.
I thought I was being a hero going through a third spinal surgery until the real problems showed up. While home recuperating from the back surgery (fused L1-5) I got these unbelievable pains in the belly that had nothing to do with all of the bills that came in the mail that day. After two episodes of that Geri took me to a local hospital in Towson on Charles Street where I whimpered for 2 hours before the triage folks finally felt they'd heard enough of my complaining and got me to a Doc. They brought in a surgeon who ordered lots of expensive tests and at 2:30 a.m. I was under the CatScan machine getting my insides on file. They took blood, x-rays, toe nail clippings, etc and finally, after staying the night, I was sent home with the suggestion that I keep an eye on the pain since it might involve the gall bladder. I told them I'd check into that every once in a while.
So two days later the pains come back stronger, only this time without a let-up and with a fever for extra measure. Back to my favorite EMERGENCY sign on Charles Street in Towson. This time, after the same expensive tests they decided that my gall bladder had no business being in my body any longer. So Emergency surgery was set up and into the OR I went. Recovery was tough since I still had this back surgery thing going. I tried to rent a hoist to get me up and out of bed but they said I had to do it myself.
A day later things were not going so smoothly. I was pretty well out of it, pain back, and healing not taking place. No details here since I don't want to try to remember this part. Anyway it was getting so bad that it was determinded by a couple of surgeons that another EMERGENCY surgery was needed to correct a problem at Ye Olde Gall Bladder Site. Since I had an "Open Door Policy" I gave them permission to enter my innards again, conveniently through the same front door they used two days before. This time they closed off a couple of leaking problems; I was properly sealed up and put back on the Psycho Ward.
Home now trying to find the humor in all this. Good thing I like to write since I relish talking about all this pain along the way. Nurses were great. Docs were great...I'll stick to athletics thank you very much.
See you at the ball park soon.
And thanks to Geri who is my Special Angel who got me through all this.
Sunday, May 31, 2009
I Am Under House Arrest!!
I am under House Arrest! This was ordered for six weeks by Dr Rosenthal, my back surgeon, who told me not to screw this up this time. You see it took him 5 hours of surgery on 5/26 to correct my back problems, after three previous surgeries, which if you'd like a choice were caused by splitting 2 cords of wood, umpiring 50 college softball games, bearing the weight of way too anxious physical therapists, or all of the above.
So here I am sitting in the sun trying to make important decisions during this Home Detention: when to shower, what to eat for lunch, which cable news to watch or how many hours I can play online Scrabble.
I've got to be careful after this surgery because the great Doc told me the last fusion didn't take (he didn't do it, another guy did). He also gave me the lovely news that one of my previous stainless steel screws BROKE! I thought stainless couldn't break.
So I'm going to be a good boy for the next six weeks. After that there's wood to split, patios to build, mulch to throw, etc (JUST KIDDING!)
So here I am sitting in the sun trying to make important decisions during this Home Detention: when to shower, what to eat for lunch, which cable news to watch or how many hours I can play online Scrabble.
I've got to be careful after this surgery because the great Doc told me the last fusion didn't take (he didn't do it, another guy did). He also gave me the lovely news that one of my previous stainless steel screws BROKE! I thought stainless couldn't break.
So I'm going to be a good boy for the next six weeks. After that there's wood to split, patios to build, mulch to throw, etc (JUST KIDDING!)
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
My Day at the Radiology Center
So my back surgeon wants me to get a Myelogram/CT Scan at a local hospital which shall remain nameless since I have a 5-hour back fusion surgery scheduled there soon. I show up at 8:50 for a 9:00 a.m. appointment. The Doc walks in at 9:00 a.m. and introduces himself. We chat for a while and I tell him I'm into swimming for exercise. He tells me he's planning to build a pool in his backyard so maybe I could give him a few tips. I tell him tip #1 is NOT to build a pool and to go to the "Y" for swimming. I then tell him if he wants to know tip #2 then refer to tip #1.
Anyway, he tells me to wait for the tech who will take me in the back and prep me for the pleasure of his sticking a 4-inch needle filled with dye into my spine so the surgeon will be able to see where my nerves are pinched. I could have pointed to the area but he said that wasn't good enough.
So here I am on a stainless steel table with a comfy mat about 3/4 of an inch thick and he tells me to make myself as comfortable as possible. Didn't Marie Antoinette's executioner tell her the same thing?
I wait in a facedown position for about 15 minutes and the tech comes in again and wants to know if the Doc showed up yet. I say no, but if he wants to cancel that's OK with me. He gets on the phone and pages the Doc, telling him to report to the Myelogram room. 15 minutes later he pages him again. This went on 4 times!!! Now my back is burning from staying in this same position for more than 30 minutes waiting for Dr. Kavorkian to show up. After the final page I tell the tech if he's not here in the next 5 minutes I'm getting off this table and leaving. 2 minutes later he shows. No explanation but a big smile. I figure discretion is the better part of valor (Shakespeare for those of you unaware), so I don't say anything as he picks up his pal... THE NEEDLE. Not too bad after the numbing part.
I leave the room and go for a CT Scan. That was easy and took 15 minutes. The tech tells me to wait in the patient's waiting area and he'll bring the Myelogram/CT Scan results on CDs for my surgeon. He comes out 15 minutes later and tells me "The Myelogram is worthless but the CT Scan was good". Now I'm furious but I didn't want to upset an already upset waiting room so I left.
Today I met with my surgeon and I started out by telling him of my experiences at his favorite hospital. He puts the Myelogram CD into his computer and tells me that there is nothing wrong with the CD!! Go figure. You just don't know whom to believe these days. Since I'll be laid up for 6 weeks, I'll have plenty of time to write more blogs. Aren't you all really happy for that?
Anyway, he tells me to wait for the tech who will take me in the back and prep me for the pleasure of his sticking a 4-inch needle filled with dye into my spine so the surgeon will be able to see where my nerves are pinched. I could have pointed to the area but he said that wasn't good enough.
So here I am on a stainless steel table with a comfy mat about 3/4 of an inch thick and he tells me to make myself as comfortable as possible. Didn't Marie Antoinette's executioner tell her the same thing?
I wait in a facedown position for about 15 minutes and the tech comes in again and wants to know if the Doc showed up yet. I say no, but if he wants to cancel that's OK with me. He gets on the phone and pages the Doc, telling him to report to the Myelogram room. 15 minutes later he pages him again. This went on 4 times!!! Now my back is burning from staying in this same position for more than 30 minutes waiting for Dr. Kavorkian to show up. After the final page I tell the tech if he's not here in the next 5 minutes I'm getting off this table and leaving. 2 minutes later he shows. No explanation but a big smile. I figure discretion is the better part of valor (Shakespeare for those of you unaware), so I don't say anything as he picks up his pal... THE NEEDLE. Not too bad after the numbing part.
I leave the room and go for a CT Scan. That was easy and took 15 minutes. The tech tells me to wait in the patient's waiting area and he'll bring the Myelogram/CT Scan results on CDs for my surgeon. He comes out 15 minutes later and tells me "The Myelogram is worthless but the CT Scan was good". Now I'm furious but I didn't want to upset an already upset waiting room so I left.
Today I met with my surgeon and I started out by telling him of my experiences at his favorite hospital. He puts the Myelogram CD into his computer and tells me that there is nothing wrong with the CD!! Go figure. You just don't know whom to believe these days. Since I'll be laid up for 6 weeks, I'll have plenty of time to write more blogs. Aren't you all really happy for that?
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
My Day in the ESPN Sun
I am a collegiate softball umpire. After 6 years of doing this I'm still trying to find out why some people consider this a glamorous profession. The ladies are bigger, stronger, older, throw harder, hit farther but are not necessarily better than the best high school players around. Lots of traveling and 6-8 hour days for double-headers.
From the time you start umpiring NCAA softball it's drummed into your head that every call you make may be taking bread off the table of the D1 coach. Many of these folks are full-time coaches and, believe me, some really act like it! In fact a college coach whom I saw on last Friday was fired by email over the weekend and watched her team play from the bleachers that Monday.
...So I'm assigned to a series at the D1 level in Delaware who are playing a rival conference team from Virginia. I'm the crew chief which adds a little more pressure into this scenario. A week before the weekend series I'm informed by the college assigner that the game will be telecast on ESPNU which is part of the vast ESPN programming. My assigner informs me that I should remember that our crew is representing college umpires in general and especially the conference I'm working in. One umpire is coming from Virginia and the other is from upstate New York.
After the third call from my college assigner informing me that this game was very important and that we were representing the conference I got the idea that this was an important event.
On the day of the game I left Baltimore at 11:00am traveling to Delaware so as to arrive by 12:30 pm to be ready for the 2:00 pm start. Of course the game was originally scheduled for 1pm but the ESPN folks decided they had to move it up an hour. That added even more pressure since my wife and I had tickets to the theatre at 6:30 pm that evening.
When I got to the field there were ESPN people everywhere. There were five cameras stationed at every conceivable angle. I met with the ESPN rep and was told that he had received a call from my conference assigner to remind me how important this game was (4th reminder!).
It was 97 degrees on the field at game time. I was at 1st base in the 3-man crew. I was sweating so profusely that I couldn't even wear sunglasses. In the 2nd inning I turned to chase a foul ball and looked right into the sun. Needless to say the home plate umpire had to make the call. Two bang-bangs later (for those of you uninformed that's really, I mean REALLY, close plays at a base). And no matter what Jim Palmer says, the "Tie Does Not Go To The Runner!" I was wondering if I had the calls right. Oh, did I forget to tell you that I was told the female in the broadcast crew hated umpires?
Anyway, we somehow got through this whole thing and after 2 hours in the blazing sun, with commercials holding up the game after every inning, the home team won by a shutout, 5-0. I ran straight to the ESPN truck after the game and asked the Director one question, "Did You Use Replay?" He smiled and said "No".
I raced home and we made it to the theatre 15 minutes before show-time. I had more pressure trying to make the show then umpiring in the game!!!
From the time you start umpiring NCAA softball it's drummed into your head that every call you make may be taking bread off the table of the D1 coach. Many of these folks are full-time coaches and, believe me, some really act like it! In fact a college coach whom I saw on last Friday was fired by email over the weekend and watched her team play from the bleachers that Monday.
...So I'm assigned to a series at the D1 level in Delaware who are playing a rival conference team from Virginia. I'm the crew chief which adds a little more pressure into this scenario. A week before the weekend series I'm informed by the college assigner that the game will be telecast on ESPNU which is part of the vast ESPN programming. My assigner informs me that I should remember that our crew is representing college umpires in general and especially the conference I'm working in. One umpire is coming from Virginia and the other is from upstate New York.
After the third call from my college assigner informing me that this game was very important and that we were representing the conference I got the idea that this was an important event.
On the day of the game I left Baltimore at 11:00am traveling to Delaware so as to arrive by 12:30 pm to be ready for the 2:00 pm start. Of course the game was originally scheduled for 1pm but the ESPN folks decided they had to move it up an hour. That added even more pressure since my wife and I had tickets to the theatre at 6:30 pm that evening.
When I got to the field there were ESPN people everywhere. There were five cameras stationed at every conceivable angle. I met with the ESPN rep and was told that he had received a call from my conference assigner to remind me how important this game was (4th reminder!).
It was 97 degrees on the field at game time. I was at 1st base in the 3-man crew. I was sweating so profusely that I couldn't even wear sunglasses. In the 2nd inning I turned to chase a foul ball and looked right into the sun. Needless to say the home plate umpire had to make the call. Two bang-bangs later (for those of you uninformed that's really, I mean REALLY, close plays at a base). And no matter what Jim Palmer says, the "Tie Does Not Go To The Runner!" I was wondering if I had the calls right. Oh, did I forget to tell you that I was told the female in the broadcast crew hated umpires?
Anyway, we somehow got through this whole thing and after 2 hours in the blazing sun, with commercials holding up the game after every inning, the home team won by a shutout, 5-0. I ran straight to the ESPN truck after the game and asked the Director one question, "Did You Use Replay?" He smiled and said "No".
I raced home and we made it to the theatre 15 minutes before show-time. I had more pressure trying to make the show then umpiring in the game!!!
Saturday, April 11, 2009
Scrabble Freak!!
For those of you who have watched me avoid the friendly family table games at home after holiday dinners...I apologize.
With the advent of Facebook's Scramble, I became a game freak. If you've ever played Facebook's Scramble you know it can be addicting. However, in my attempt to try something new, I searched online for a free online SCRABBLE game and I found it. It's on a site called POGO.COM. You logon and you can start playing with an alias name that you make up. They start you off with 10,000 points and you continue earning points while playing.
I need an antidote for this because I find myself playing this POGO Scrabble game for hours on end. I cuss out loud when my challenger covers a spot I want and wonder at some of these words the big shots come up with, i.e. "za", "qi" (I didn't even know you could have a "q" word without a "u" following it)!
Anyway, I've learned a lot of new words from doing this. There is even a "chat" engine so you can holler at your opponent when they beat your butt! Now I'll have to start playing the family because I'll have no excuses. My 90 year-old Mother-in-Law, Stella, is gonna want me to play her. I really enjoy having her around but is she gonna believe me when I come up with a word like "QANATS" ??
With the advent of Facebook's Scramble, I became a game freak. If you've ever played Facebook's Scramble you know it can be addicting. However, in my attempt to try something new, I searched online for a free online SCRABBLE game and I found it. It's on a site called POGO.COM. You logon and you can start playing with an alias name that you make up. They start you off with 10,000 points and you continue earning points while playing.
I need an antidote for this because I find myself playing this POGO Scrabble game for hours on end. I cuss out loud when my challenger covers a spot I want and wonder at some of these words the big shots come up with, i.e. "za", "qi" (I didn't even know you could have a "q" word without a "u" following it)!
Anyway, I've learned a lot of new words from doing this. There is even a "chat" engine so you can holler at your opponent when they beat your butt! Now I'll have to start playing the family because I'll have no excuses. My 90 year-old Mother-in-Law, Stella, is gonna want me to play her. I really enjoy having her around but is she gonna believe me when I come up with a word like "QANATS" ??
Friday, March 27, 2009
Why Would You Pick Verizon Phone Service?
About a week ago we were awakened at 1:30 a.m. by our Slomin Alarm System SIREN! I ran through the house expecting to find an intruder. I banged into a wall, since I was half asleep, and busted my head as well as cut up my foot. My son, who is temporarily staying with us in a downstairs apt ran through a door to get to me and broke the door. Neither of us could find anyone in the house and I shut off the alarm. There was no warning beep prior to the alarm siren (which was deafening) going off. We called Slomin and were told that if phone power is cut off for 15 seconds or more the alarm system activates without any warning beep in the siren emergency mode.
After cleaning up the blood on the carpet from my wounds we went back to sleep, I called Verizon Customer service the next morning and after reviewing all of his notes the CSR told me there was no cut-off in power in any of his information. I then called Slomin and was told, for the 2nd time, that it was Verizon's fault for cutting off power to the phone. Again I called Verizon Customer Service and was told they had no information. I demanded that they connect me with a supervisor. Twenty minutes later ( as I was on hold) a supervisor came on the line and read the previous notes on my account. She told me that she would investigate and get back to me the next day. She called the next day to report that, in fact, it was Verizon's fault. Apparently there was trouble in the FIOS lines and they were repairing the problem in the middle of the night, assuming it wouldn't impact on any customers. They forgot that many of us have alarm systems tied into the phone lines.
Each night the same supervisor has been calling me to report that the "ticket is still open" and that repairs have not been completed.
What would have happened if I had not demanded that a supervisor talk to me? I believe that Verizon's Customer Service and communications with customers is POOR at best; I had bad experiences before. As I wait for the repair, my wounds are healing but the downstairs door is still broken. The supervisor told me that Verizon would take care of that but so far no one has contacted me about it. I think I will share this story with a couple of major market TV stations as well as my Blogger friends.
After cleaning up the blood on the carpet from my wounds we went back to sleep, I called Verizon Customer service the next morning and after reviewing all of his notes the CSR told me there was no cut-off in power in any of his information. I then called Slomin and was told, for the 2nd time, that it was Verizon's fault for cutting off power to the phone. Again I called Verizon Customer Service and was told they had no information. I demanded that they connect me with a supervisor. Twenty minutes later ( as I was on hold) a supervisor came on the line and read the previous notes on my account. She told me that she would investigate and get back to me the next day. She called the next day to report that, in fact, it was Verizon's fault. Apparently there was trouble in the FIOS lines and they were repairing the problem in the middle of the night, assuming it wouldn't impact on any customers. They forgot that many of us have alarm systems tied into the phone lines.
Each night the same supervisor has been calling me to report that the "ticket is still open" and that repairs have not been completed.
What would have happened if I had not demanded that a supervisor talk to me? I believe that Verizon's Customer Service and communications with customers is POOR at best; I had bad experiences before. As I wait for the repair, my wounds are healing but the downstairs door is still broken. The supervisor told me that Verizon would take care of that but so far no one has contacted me about it. I think I will share this story with a couple of major market TV stations as well as my Blogger friends.
Monday, March 16, 2009
The Colors of RED and GREEN
There’s something about the colors of RED and GREEN that can make or break your entire day. Why are we so disposed to changing attitudes when either of these colors show up? For one, RED is not as "feel good" as other colors. Stop Signs are RED. I need to get somewhere fast and that color keeps me from movin' on. Same thing with RED stop lights on the street. Again I’ve got to stop! The RED Light district leads to the downfall of men! Women with RED hair who work in the RED light district can be a double whammy! Fire extinguishers are colored RED. If you have to use one that’s not good. In the RED Badge of Courage, lots of soldiers in the Civil War got killed. Mars is the RED Planet. There’s no air to breathe so that’s not good. Hot Pepper sauce comes in a RED bottle. I broke one of them at home the other day and it spilled all over the kitchen floor. Believe me that wasn’t good.
Now for the color GREEN. GREEN grass makes you feel good…nothing like laying down in the grass under a tree in the Spring on St Patty's Day with a GREEN beer. GREEN is the color of the new attitude with the environment. GREEN plants in the house give you oxygen (unless you forget to water them like I do). GREEN is the color of vegetables that are good for us even though you hated your Mother for shoving them in front of your face.
I could go on and on but I’m starting to sound more and more like Andy Rooney (I’d better check the length of my eyebrows).
I forgot to tell you that the most pleasant GREEN that I have been looking at lately is the color of the numbers on my Stock list. They were all RED under George Bush (didn't I see him with RED eyes during one Press Conference?)
Now for the color GREEN. GREEN grass makes you feel good…nothing like laying down in the grass under a tree in the Spring on St Patty's Day with a GREEN beer. GREEN is the color of the new attitude with the environment. GREEN plants in the house give you oxygen (unless you forget to water them like I do). GREEN is the color of vegetables that are good for us even though you hated your Mother for shoving them in front of your face.
I could go on and on but I’m starting to sound more and more like Andy Rooney (I’d better check the length of my eyebrows).
I forgot to tell you that the most pleasant GREEN that I have been looking at lately is the color of the numbers on my Stock list. They were all RED under George Bush (didn't I see him with RED eyes during one Press Conference?)
Monday, February 23, 2009
A Day in Caya Costa
While in Southwest Florida we planned a trip to Caya Costa, a National Park Island about a 30 minute drive from Ft Myers Beach. You have to travel through Sanibel and Captiva to get to a marina where you catch a launch to Caya Costa. The old bridge from Ft Myers to Sanibel was replaced a few years ago. The big money in Sanibel wanted to keep the "riff raff" of Ft Myers from easy access to Sanibel so they instituted a $6.00 toll across the bridge.
Anyway, we arrived at the marina at 8:30 a.m. to catch the launch. We passed the most ostentatious homes imaginable on the way. Two of the homes (one looked like the White House and the other looked like the White House Junior) were being built by the Kohler Family, plumbing Czars.
The crew invited us on the boat and we scrambled for seats for our 9:00 a.m. departure. At 9:00 a.m. the captain indicated that we were going to wait a few minutes for a couple who were on their way. 10 minutes later the young folks showed up to a round of applause. We had a good laugh.
Captain Nemo (I forgot his name) took us into the channel and pointed us toward Caya Costa. Everyone on the boat had a high degree of excitement based on the knowledge that this beach was suppose to be the 3rd best shelling beach in the world!
Just before we arrived the 1st Mate (there was no 2nd or 3rd mate) asked for our attention and used a microphone to make sure we paid attention. He established a time for return. We had to be at the boat at 11:25 a.m. sharp. He asked all of us to synchronize our watches and cell phones to make sure we were on time.
We walked around to the Gulf side of the island and Lo and Behold... I never saw so many sea shells in my life! The landing party was salivating. They sell this stuff for good money in dinky little shell shops (say that three times fast). I was enthralled for about 20 minutes. Then I pulled up my trusty beach chair, my book, and watched the others fight over any shells that looked a little different.
At 11:10 I called my wife Geri and told her we needed to get back to the boat. At 11:25 Captain Courageous (I forgot his name) and his Assistant Captain (the guy was promoted while we were anchored) started counting the people on board. There were supposed to be 29 but they counted twice and only came up with 27. We looked around and guess who was missing ?? You guessed it, Mr. and Ms. Johnnie C. Lately. We voted to leave them but Captain Gulliver told us by law he could not do that . So he left the boat and walked around to the other side of the island. He returned to announce that they were no where to be found. So Captain Jack had this idea to ride around the island and blow his substantially loud horn until we could find them.
About a mile or so up the beach we spotted them. They were casually walking along the beach while several of us (including yours truly) were screaming words of encouragement and offering coded signals with our middle fingers. Captain Video pulled the boat up to the edge of the beach but couldn't get close enough for them to reach the boat ladder without wading in the water. The lady perpetrator yelled to us, "I can't do this because I can't swim!". I yelled back, "You obviously can't tell time either!"
Everyone on the boat was really pissed. They decided not to applaud this time when they entered the boat. No one said anything (except your truly). When Lady Dracula passed by me I looked her in the eye and said "The first time it was funny, the second time it wasn't". She looked away to avoid the expression on my face.
We arrived back 45 minutes late but they didn't charge us for the extra time.
It was a lovely day!!
Anyway, we arrived at the marina at 8:30 a.m. to catch the launch. We passed the most ostentatious homes imaginable on the way. Two of the homes (one looked like the White House and the other looked like the White House Junior) were being built by the Kohler Family, plumbing Czars.
The crew invited us on the boat and we scrambled for seats for our 9:00 a.m. departure. At 9:00 a.m. the captain indicated that we were going to wait a few minutes for a couple who were on their way. 10 minutes later the young folks showed up to a round of applause. We had a good laugh.
Captain Nemo (I forgot his name) took us into the channel and pointed us toward Caya Costa. Everyone on the boat had a high degree of excitement based on the knowledge that this beach was suppose to be the 3rd best shelling beach in the world!
Just before we arrived the 1st Mate (there was no 2nd or 3rd mate) asked for our attention and used a microphone to make sure we paid attention. He established a time for return. We had to be at the boat at 11:25 a.m. sharp. He asked all of us to synchronize our watches and cell phones to make sure we were on time.
We walked around to the Gulf side of the island and Lo and Behold... I never saw so many sea shells in my life! The landing party was salivating. They sell this stuff for good money in dinky little shell shops (say that three times fast). I was enthralled for about 20 minutes. Then I pulled up my trusty beach chair, my book, and watched the others fight over any shells that looked a little different.
At 11:10 I called my wife Geri and told her we needed to get back to the boat. At 11:25 Captain Courageous (I forgot his name) and his Assistant Captain (the guy was promoted while we were anchored) started counting the people on board. There were supposed to be 29 but they counted twice and only came up with 27. We looked around and guess who was missing ?? You guessed it, Mr. and Ms. Johnnie C. Lately. We voted to leave them but Captain Gulliver told us by law he could not do that . So he left the boat and walked around to the other side of the island. He returned to announce that they were no where to be found. So Captain Jack had this idea to ride around the island and blow his substantially loud horn until we could find them.
About a mile or so up the beach we spotted them. They were casually walking along the beach while several of us (including yours truly) were screaming words of encouragement and offering coded signals with our middle fingers. Captain Video pulled the boat up to the edge of the beach but couldn't get close enough for them to reach the boat ladder without wading in the water. The lady perpetrator yelled to us, "I can't do this because I can't swim!". I yelled back, "You obviously can't tell time either!"
Everyone on the boat was really pissed. They decided not to applaud this time when they entered the boat. No one said anything (except your truly). When Lady Dracula passed by me I looked her in the eye and said "The first time it was funny, the second time it wasn't". She looked away to avoid the expression on my face.
We arrived back 45 minutes late but they didn't charge us for the extra time.
It was a lovely day!!
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
Get On the GPS Bandwagon
I'd have to guess that most of us are 10 miles behind the technology Bandwagon, at least I am. I have to hear from just about all of my friends and family, as well as read all the blogs on the Internet before I'm willing to try something new. So Lo and Behold, we wind up with a Garmin Nuvi 200 as a present from my sons for Christmas/Hanukkah (we give them presents for both holidays, they get us presents for one).
It was a cute little thing and I really didn't think we'd get much use out of it. It stayed in the box until we were embarrassed to open it and try it. Funny thing about these hard plastic cases, when you cut them to get them open you always wonder if the store will accept a return when you decide you don't want it. What do you say when they tell you it has to be returned in the original packaging?
Anyway, the directions said to take it out to an area with direct access to the sky so the satellites can activate it. They cautioned not to set it up near trees, so I had to drive it to a local soccer field to get it started. Temperamental little thing isn't it? So I turned it on and it started blinking and making electronic noises. I waited for a while until it finally told me that the satellites had been located. I hoped it wouldn't take that long to get me out of somewhere after taking the wrong turn off the expressway (Bonfire of the Vanities??).
So now our Garmin was activated and I placed it in the glove compartment of my car. There it sat until I remembered two weeks later that it was in there. I ran out to my car after I read somewhere that you shouldn't leave it in an environment below 32 degrees. It had been below 32 degrees for 3 days! I cuddled it, brought it into the house, and covered it with warm towels to bring it back to life. I pressed the "ON" button and Eureka, it started to beep!
So now we're on our way to Florida, snow-birding for the month of February, driving in the car. The lady on the Garmin from the Midwest (I think she was a truck stop waitress or something) gives us turn by turn directions. My wife doesn't believe this thing works and has her trusty maps in her lap following each and every directional instruction given by Maude (I named her in order to keep this personal).
About 100 miles into the trip she got us lost. I quickly changed the voice to a British flight attendant who seemed more knowledgeable. She got us back on track.
After reaching South Carolina we programmed it to take the shortest route. It was supposed to take us 4.5 hours to reach St Augustine and it took us 6 hours. Well I guess with that kind of technology give or take an hour and a half ain't bad.
The only part of this that worried me was when we were in a particular tough part of the course and the British lady said "Satellite signal lost". That scared us a little.
After regaining satellite signal we continued on our journey using the maps in my wife's lap.
Ah what a wonderful thing technology is!!
It was a cute little thing and I really didn't think we'd get much use out of it. It stayed in the box until we were embarrassed to open it and try it. Funny thing about these hard plastic cases, when you cut them to get them open you always wonder if the store will accept a return when you decide you don't want it. What do you say when they tell you it has to be returned in the original packaging?
Anyway, the directions said to take it out to an area with direct access to the sky so the satellites can activate it. They cautioned not to set it up near trees, so I had to drive it to a local soccer field to get it started. Temperamental little thing isn't it? So I turned it on and it started blinking and making electronic noises. I waited for a while until it finally told me that the satellites had been located. I hoped it wouldn't take that long to get me out of somewhere after taking the wrong turn off the expressway (Bonfire of the Vanities??).
So now our Garmin was activated and I placed it in the glove compartment of my car. There it sat until I remembered two weeks later that it was in there. I ran out to my car after I read somewhere that you shouldn't leave it in an environment below 32 degrees. It had been below 32 degrees for 3 days! I cuddled it, brought it into the house, and covered it with warm towels to bring it back to life. I pressed the "ON" button and Eureka, it started to beep!
So now we're on our way to Florida, snow-birding for the month of February, driving in the car. The lady on the Garmin from the Midwest (I think she was a truck stop waitress or something) gives us turn by turn directions. My wife doesn't believe this thing works and has her trusty maps in her lap following each and every directional instruction given by Maude (I named her in order to keep this personal).
About 100 miles into the trip she got us lost. I quickly changed the voice to a British flight attendant who seemed more knowledgeable. She got us back on track.
After reaching South Carolina we programmed it to take the shortest route. It was supposed to take us 4.5 hours to reach St Augustine and it took us 6 hours. Well I guess with that kind of technology give or take an hour and a half ain't bad.
The only part of this that worried me was when we were in a particular tough part of the course and the British lady said "Satellite signal lost". That scared us a little.
After regaining satellite signal we continued on our journey using the maps in my wife's lap.
Ah what a wonderful thing technology is!!
Friday, January 16, 2009
Blog #10...The Great Cell-Phone Dilemma
Are any of you out there cell phone fanatics? I have an iPhone and its my one and only "Boy Toy". I'm really lucky because I dropped it in water and I thought it was a goner. But the next day, after I said my prayers, it came back to life. This was monumental because the guys at the iPhone store told me it had NEVER happened before that they knew of.
So now my wife Geri wants to upgrade her phone. She needs one that has numbers you can see because through the years the numbers have gotten smaller and smaller. I'm sure that has nothing to do with her eyesight. But finding a phone that has "senior" dial-faces is really hard. So she tried a Blackberry which had a regular typewriter keyboard. We brought it home and I set it up. I didn't have small enough fingers to press the correct keys so I had to use my fingernail. Can you imagine a phone costing that much and you can't even make it work with anything other than your fingernail??
Well to make a long story short, the doggone phone would not sync correctly with our computer. For those of you electronically challenged that means the data from the phone and the computer will be transferred if everything is working ok. This one wasn't working ok. I guess when you buy something that's marked "Refurbished" you ought to look up what the word means in the dictionary .
After 3 days of calls to Blackberry and the software maker it was finally determined that our "Data was Damaged". So I held up the white flag of surrender and took the little sucker back to the AT&T store today. We're back to square one. The old Motorola is working Ok but the darn thing is PINK and the numbers are PINK, so it makes dialing and texting an Olympic event (and you stilll have to use your fingernails).
I think I'm going to strangle the guy who invented cell phones. It would probably be better to strap our old Verizon landline to our belts and use that... if we could find a long enough cord!!
So now my wife Geri wants to upgrade her phone. She needs one that has numbers you can see because through the years the numbers have gotten smaller and smaller. I'm sure that has nothing to do with her eyesight. But finding a phone that has "senior" dial-faces is really hard. So she tried a Blackberry which had a regular typewriter keyboard. We brought it home and I set it up. I didn't have small enough fingers to press the correct keys so I had to use my fingernail. Can you imagine a phone costing that much and you can't even make it work with anything other than your fingernail??
Well to make a long story short, the doggone phone would not sync correctly with our computer. For those of you electronically challenged that means the data from the phone and the computer will be transferred if everything is working ok. This one wasn't working ok. I guess when you buy something that's marked "Refurbished" you ought to look up what the word means in the dictionary .
After 3 days of calls to Blackberry and the software maker it was finally determined that our "Data was Damaged". So I held up the white flag of surrender and took the little sucker back to the AT&T store today. We're back to square one. The old Motorola is working Ok but the darn thing is PINK and the numbers are PINK, so it makes dialing and texting an Olympic event (and you stilll have to use your fingernails).
I think I'm going to strangle the guy who invented cell phones. It would probably be better to strap our old Verizon landline to our belts and use that... if we could find a long enough cord!!
Thursday, January 1, 2009
New Year's Resolution-2009
I know you've all been waiting patiently for this, so here goes:
New Year's Resolutions
I resolve to:
• Work diligently to promote a lasting peace in the Middle East........right!
• Remember to put the cosmetic pillows in their proper position after making the bed
• Continue to criticize Martin O'Malley, Governor of Maryland, at every juncture (that one's easy)
• Remember to put the toilet seat down after use
• Work extremely hard for the next presidential candidate who proposes a FLAT TAX!
• Stop calling my 30 yr old son "Butch"
• Help to restore the Chesapeake Bay by using our MD Dept of the Environment grant for a new septic system
• Change my voicemail message so people don't think I recorded it in a garbage can
• Try to remember what a lousy job this last MD State Legislature did so I know who NOT to vote for next election
• Increase my neighborhood watch so they don't steal anything else from my driveway
• Try to make "nice" with Hilary Clinton as she promotes our foreign policy
• Put a "tail" on Bill Clinton as he tries to promote his own foreign policy while Hilary's out of town
• Wring the neck of the kid (if I catch him) who continues to throw beer cans on my lawn
• Cancel my Verizon contract next December because of their terrible customer service
• Cancel my Heating Oil Company contract in April because they price gouge
• Increase my swimming laps to 1300 yards a workout (if I can find a free lane at the "Y"
• Try to think of any possible way I can get out of helping my younger son paint his new house
• Try to smile more often (my facial muscles are atrophying)!
• Try to figure even more ways to remind myself what a great wife I have (that statement is money in the bank!)
• Try to get more of you to read these blogs!!!!
New Year's Resolutions
I resolve to:
• Work diligently to promote a lasting peace in the Middle East........right!
• Remember to put the cosmetic pillows in their proper position after making the bed
• Continue to criticize Martin O'Malley, Governor of Maryland, at every juncture (that one's easy)
• Remember to put the toilet seat down after use
• Work extremely hard for the next presidential candidate who proposes a FLAT TAX!
• Stop calling my 30 yr old son "Butch"
• Help to restore the Chesapeake Bay by using our MD Dept of the Environment grant for a new septic system
• Change my voicemail message so people don't think I recorded it in a garbage can
• Try to remember what a lousy job this last MD State Legislature did so I know who NOT to vote for next election
• Increase my neighborhood watch so they don't steal anything else from my driveway
• Try to make "nice" with Hilary Clinton as she promotes our foreign policy
• Put a "tail" on Bill Clinton as he tries to promote his own foreign policy while Hilary's out of town
• Wring the neck of the kid (if I catch him) who continues to throw beer cans on my lawn
• Cancel my Verizon contract next December because of their terrible customer service
• Cancel my Heating Oil Company contract in April because they price gouge
• Increase my swimming laps to 1300 yards a workout (if I can find a free lane at the "Y"
• Try to think of any possible way I can get out of helping my younger son paint his new house
• Try to smile more often (my facial muscles are atrophying)!
• Try to figure even more ways to remind myself what a great wife I have (that statement is money in the bank!)
• Try to get more of you to read these blogs!!!!
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