With the rising tide of unemployment in this country I was wondering what it would be like if our Biblical fathers had to experience a day on the unemployment line. Let's consider a long line in the Egyptian Social Services building extending around the block on a terribly hot afternoon in Cairo.
Anwar Sadatsky is the interviewer who has half-heartedly remained at his post to try to help Egyptian citizens who are out of work. The next person in line approaches him. He's a bit bedraggled and hasn't had a shave in many days. His clothes are tattered and torn and he wears his hair covered in a skullcap resting on his head. Anwar asks, "What is your name sir?". The man answers "Moses". Anwar asks "first name?". The stranger answers "Moses". "And what is your last name?" The answer..."Moses". "So you are called Moses Moses?" The man replied, "Just call me Moses".
"And Mr. Moses, how long have you been out of work?" Answer "forty days and forty nights". "What line of work were you in last?" Answer "Prophet". A surprised Anwar asks "So you were in Propheteering?" "No, says Moses" "Just a simple old Prophet". "And who did you work for during your tenure as a Prophet?" The answer "The Lord". What did The Lord have you do in your daily tasks?" "He wanted me to lead my people out of the wilderness".
Anwar then turns to his colleague Ismael and says "Hey Issy, you've got to hear this" "This guy says he's a prophet and his job is leading his people out of the wilderness and he works for The Lord." Ismael says "Ask him when he last talked to his boss". Moses replies "The other day on the mountain". "Really" says Ismael, "and how does he talk to you when he has jobs for you to do up on that mountain". Moses replies "In a burning bush".
So after evaluating Moses, the two Social Workers decide to send him for an interview to a travel agency in Cairo where Moses can best use his talents. He worked there for many years and was even given a piece of the business.
Why can't that happy ending be as easy to replicate nowadays?
Thursday, December 31, 2009
Thursday, December 17, 2009
Frauds on the Corner
I know this is the season of giving and peace but I have a strong feeling that there are some who don't deserve it.
When passing a corner not too far from my home I spied a guy with a sign indicating he's homeless, hungry, and in need of medical supplies. He has his pant leg rolled up to the knee, graphically displaying an open wound of about 4 inches in length, bright red, and fairly deep. My problem is that I saw him on this same corner two weeks ago with a older sign, displaying the same injured leg. There was no measurable difference in the wound this week. It is the same size and color it was two weeks ago. I don't like being a cynic but this is either the best cosmetic make-up job I've ever seen or this guy is due for Gangrene therapy. I thought it would be cute to watch him after I gave him a roll of sterile bandages.
The other day I saw three perfectly healthy teenage kids with their dog on another corner. Their sign read "Travelers in Need of Some Help". Their dog seemed well-fed and happy. The kids were smoking cigarettes. Do you know the cost of cigarettes lately? Maybe they drove down to Virginia in their Prius and got the butts at a reduced price.
I really want to help these people but I don't feel they would use my donation wisely. I recall a skit somewhere on TV some time back where there was a company offering franchises to those who wanted to beg on corners. For 3 payments of $19.99 (plus S&H) you could get a cardboard sign, ragged clothes, a rented wheelchair to prop up on the STOP sign, and guaranteed access to a corner near your home.
One of these days I'm going to follow one of these panhandlers to see where they head home. Maybe to a high-rise in Suburbia?
...and thanks to the lady in the front of our line of cars who kept looking for change to give this guy and made the rest of us miss the green light!!
When passing a corner not too far from my home I spied a guy with a sign indicating he's homeless, hungry, and in need of medical supplies. He has his pant leg rolled up to the knee, graphically displaying an open wound of about 4 inches in length, bright red, and fairly deep. My problem is that I saw him on this same corner two weeks ago with a older sign, displaying the same injured leg. There was no measurable difference in the wound this week. It is the same size and color it was two weeks ago. I don't like being a cynic but this is either the best cosmetic make-up job I've ever seen or this guy is due for Gangrene therapy. I thought it would be cute to watch him after I gave him a roll of sterile bandages.
The other day I saw three perfectly healthy teenage kids with their dog on another corner. Their sign read "Travelers in Need of Some Help". Their dog seemed well-fed and happy. The kids were smoking cigarettes. Do you know the cost of cigarettes lately? Maybe they drove down to Virginia in their Prius and got the butts at a reduced price.
I really want to help these people but I don't feel they would use my donation wisely. I recall a skit somewhere on TV some time back where there was a company offering franchises to those who wanted to beg on corners. For 3 payments of $19.99 (plus S&H) you could get a cardboard sign, ragged clothes, a rented wheelchair to prop up on the STOP sign, and guaranteed access to a corner near your home.
One of these days I'm going to follow one of these panhandlers to see where they head home. Maybe to a high-rise in Suburbia?
...and thanks to the lady in the front of our line of cars who kept looking for change to give this guy and made the rest of us miss the green light!!
Thursday, November 26, 2009
Why NYers are different than the rest of us.
We visited the Big Apple for three days celebrating our anniversary. My antennae were up watching and listening to the sights and sounds of Manhattan. There are no people on Earth like NYers.
When you walk down the street you must keep the pace up or you might get walked over by people moving rapidly, trying to get to and from work. They don't see you or hear you because they all have cell phones stuck in their ears. Everybody's talking business and the adjectives are colorful. Its hard to find an obese person walking on the streets of NYC unless they are visitors. I guess that's because of the daily challenges of getting to and from their jobs using the subway.
I still haven't figured out the layout of Manhattan and probably never will. Its hard to fake out that you really don't know where you are and how to get to where you're going. However my handy-dandy iPhone, with its map app helps a whole lot, along with Geri's subway map (which as a REAL guy I refuse to use!) I wonder how the iPhone knows that you're walking because the directions are for walking, not driving.
You want to know why NYers are aggressive people? Just try to get a cab without running out in the middle of the street and stopping one of those Yellow Monsters with your hand. With enough of that action they ought to give you a Black Belt in Ti Quon Cabbie!
Every NY guy wears a business suit. They don't wear sports jackets and slacks. Why is this? There is no dress-down Friday in NYC.
Every guy with an unshaven beard, diamond earring, jeans below his hips and $150 Addidas basketball shoes is a plain-clothes cop. How do I know this? Because when they walk past you it sounds like they're talking to themselves until you hear the conversation about what a certain perpetrator looks like and where he can be found. The heavy metal object sticking out from under his tie-dyed-T-shirt is another give-a-way (I gotta stop using all these hyphens).
I don't want to totally bash NYC and NYers because we had a great time during our stay. Most NYers were very nice. In fact we were standing by the subway entrance trying to figure out where to catch a certain train when a guy stopped and asked if he could help us. After he explained how and where to go I had a better appreciation of the home-towners. Was I supposed to give him a tip?
When you walk down the street you must keep the pace up or you might get walked over by people moving rapidly, trying to get to and from work. They don't see you or hear you because they all have cell phones stuck in their ears. Everybody's talking business and the adjectives are colorful. Its hard to find an obese person walking on the streets of NYC unless they are visitors. I guess that's because of the daily challenges of getting to and from their jobs using the subway.
I still haven't figured out the layout of Manhattan and probably never will. Its hard to fake out that you really don't know where you are and how to get to where you're going. However my handy-dandy iPhone, with its map app helps a whole lot, along with Geri's subway map (which as a REAL guy I refuse to use!) I wonder how the iPhone knows that you're walking because the directions are for walking, not driving.
You want to know why NYers are aggressive people? Just try to get a cab without running out in the middle of the street and stopping one of those Yellow Monsters with your hand. With enough of that action they ought to give you a Black Belt in Ti Quon Cabbie!
Every NY guy wears a business suit. They don't wear sports jackets and slacks. Why is this? There is no dress-down Friday in NYC.
Every guy with an unshaven beard, diamond earring, jeans below his hips and $150 Addidas basketball shoes is a plain-clothes cop. How do I know this? Because when they walk past you it sounds like they're talking to themselves until you hear the conversation about what a certain perpetrator looks like and where he can be found. The heavy metal object sticking out from under his tie-dyed-T-shirt is another give-a-way (I gotta stop using all these hyphens).
I don't want to totally bash NYC and NYers because we had a great time during our stay. Most NYers were very nice. In fact we were standing by the subway entrance trying to figure out where to catch a certain train when a guy stopped and asked if he could help us. After he explained how and where to go I had a better appreciation of the home-towners. Was I supposed to give him a tip?
Sunday, November 15, 2009
"Rainman" Revisited
A few years back I took a substitute teacher job in a Special Education self-contained class in a local high school. I wasn't sure what to expect so I stayed open-minded until I saw what I was in for. The class was in the (FALS) Functional Academic Learning Support program. These are kids who stay in a self-contained environment for Reading and Math, then go to other subjects as Inclusion students (Phys Ed, Art, Foods) then return after lunch to the FALS classroom for Socialization skills.
I really enjoyed my experience that day. A few days later I was asked if I'd consider a long-term sub position in that class while the teacher was on maternity leave. I thought about it for a while and accepted the job. It was supposed to be for 8 weeks but turned out to be 11. I bonded with those kids and enjoyed every day with them.
Now there's a different teacher in the class, just as committed to these kids as the previous one. He calls me each time he needs a sub and I look forward to being with the kids.They stay in the program, if necessary, until they are 21. Those who can function well enough can move to another level at a local university. They think they are in college but it's actually an extension of the same environment they've been in before.
Ricardo is now 18 years old. He is one of my favorites. I spend a lot of time trying to help him in Reading and Math but his ability and comprehension levels keep him at a rather stationary stage. He can't work much with any Arithmetic beyond single digit numbers. Recently his teacher decided to let him use a calculator some of the time so he's not so frustrated. In Reading, I mostly read to him and he enjoys that. Twice weekly the kids go out to work experiences at local businesses who cooperate with the program. Ricardo was a bagger at a grocery store. He loved it! I remember one day while waiting for him to get back on the bus he came out of the door waving dollar bills in his hand. He was so proud of the fact that people were giving him a tip for helping to bag their groceries. He yelled at me, "Look Coach, they gave me money!"
David is closer to 21 and tried the college experience for a while but could not function in it very well so he's back in the FALS program in high school. He is more functional then most of the kids. He can go home on his own and even takes public transportation to sports events where he meets his father. He remembers everyone's birthday. Whenever I ask him mine he nails it every time. Problem is he needs so much attention that some businesses ask that he not return because he requires so much attention. He asks a question about every 15 seconds.
Bobby will be trying out for the next sequel of "Rainman". I love Bobby. He talks a mile a minute and has a smile on his face 24/7. Some of his functions need constant reminders so I set up a special "Code Red" between him and me to remind him when to visit the rest room. Bobby stays out in the hall and directs traffic during class changes so other students aren't late to their next class. They all "high 5" him as they pass by. While we waited for the bus after his work experience, he and I set up a radio show on the steps of a pet store. His job there was to clean the front of the aquariums. Bobby did the weather and I did the sports. I would introduce him as our on site weatherman and ask him what his prediction would be for the day. He always answered the same way.... "Nice". Bobby and I had lots of fun with that schtick and the other kids with us really enjoyed his "reports". I was always hoping the bus would be late so we could keep doing our radio show.
So this is a small sample of the kids I work with when I sub in this program. To tell you the truth, I'd do it for nothing if the County could no longer pay for subs. I love these kids.
I really enjoyed my experience that day. A few days later I was asked if I'd consider a long-term sub position in that class while the teacher was on maternity leave. I thought about it for a while and accepted the job. It was supposed to be for 8 weeks but turned out to be 11. I bonded with those kids and enjoyed every day with them.
Now there's a different teacher in the class, just as committed to these kids as the previous one. He calls me each time he needs a sub and I look forward to being with the kids.They stay in the program, if necessary, until they are 21. Those who can function well enough can move to another level at a local university. They think they are in college but it's actually an extension of the same environment they've been in before.
Ricardo is now 18 years old. He is one of my favorites. I spend a lot of time trying to help him in Reading and Math but his ability and comprehension levels keep him at a rather stationary stage. He can't work much with any Arithmetic beyond single digit numbers. Recently his teacher decided to let him use a calculator some of the time so he's not so frustrated. In Reading, I mostly read to him and he enjoys that. Twice weekly the kids go out to work experiences at local businesses who cooperate with the program. Ricardo was a bagger at a grocery store. He loved it! I remember one day while waiting for him to get back on the bus he came out of the door waving dollar bills in his hand. He was so proud of the fact that people were giving him a tip for helping to bag their groceries. He yelled at me, "Look Coach, they gave me money!"
David is closer to 21 and tried the college experience for a while but could not function in it very well so he's back in the FALS program in high school. He is more functional then most of the kids. He can go home on his own and even takes public transportation to sports events where he meets his father. He remembers everyone's birthday. Whenever I ask him mine he nails it every time. Problem is he needs so much attention that some businesses ask that he not return because he requires so much attention. He asks a question about every 15 seconds.
Bobby will be trying out for the next sequel of "Rainman". I love Bobby. He talks a mile a minute and has a smile on his face 24/7. Some of his functions need constant reminders so I set up a special "Code Red" between him and me to remind him when to visit the rest room. Bobby stays out in the hall and directs traffic during class changes so other students aren't late to their next class. They all "high 5" him as they pass by. While we waited for the bus after his work experience, he and I set up a radio show on the steps of a pet store. His job there was to clean the front of the aquariums. Bobby did the weather and I did the sports. I would introduce him as our on site weatherman and ask him what his prediction would be for the day. He always answered the same way.... "Nice". Bobby and I had lots of fun with that schtick and the other kids with us really enjoyed his "reports". I was always hoping the bus would be late so we could keep doing our radio show.
So this is a small sample of the kids I work with when I sub in this program. To tell you the truth, I'd do it for nothing if the County could no longer pay for subs. I love these kids.
Friday, October 16, 2009
Teacher Jokes
____________________________________
TEACHER: M aria, go to the map and find North America
MARIA: Here it is.
TEACHER: Correct. Now class, who discovered America ?
CLASS: Maria.
____________________________________
TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?
JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables.
__________________________________________
TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell 'crocodile?'
GLENN: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L'
TEACHER: No, that's wrong
GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.
(I Love this kid)
____________________________________________ 0D
TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
DONALD: H I J K L M N O.
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
DONALD: Yesterday you said it's H to O..
____________________________ ______
TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't
have ten years ago.
WINNIE: Me!
__________________________________________
TEACHER: Glen, why do you always get so dirty?
GLEN: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.
_____________________________________
TEACHER: Millie, give me a sentence starting with ' I '
MILLIE: I is..
TEACHER: No, Millie..... Always say, 'I am.'
MILLIE: All right... 'I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.'
________________________________
TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry
tree, but also admitted=2 0it.
Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't punish him?
LOUIS: Because George still had the axe in his hand.
______________________________________
TEACHER: Now, Simon, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
SIMON: No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook.
______________________________
TEACHER: Clyde , your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as
your brother's. Did you copy his?
CLYDE : No, sir. It's the same dog.
___________________________________
TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when=2
0
people are no longer interested?
HAROLD: A teacher
__________________________________
TEACHER: M aria, go to the map and find North America
MARIA: Here it is.
TEACHER: Correct. Now class, who discovered America ?
CLASS: Maria.
____________________________________
TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?
JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables.
__________________________________________
TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell 'crocodile?'
GLENN: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L'
TEACHER: No, that's wrong
GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.
(I Love this kid)
____________________________________________ 0D
TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
DONALD: H I J K L M N O.
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
DONALD: Yesterday you said it's H to O..
____________________________ ______
TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't
have ten years ago.
WINNIE: Me!
__________________________________________
TEACHER: Glen, why do you always get so dirty?
GLEN: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.
_____________________________________
TEACHER: Millie, give me a sentence starting with ' I '
MILLIE: I is..
TEACHER: No, Millie..... Always say, 'I am.'
MILLIE: All right... 'I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.'
________________________________
TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry
tree, but also admitted=2 0it.
Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't punish him?
LOUIS: Because George still had the axe in his hand.
______________________________________
TEACHER: Now, Simon, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
SIMON: No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook.
______________________________
TEACHER: Clyde , your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as
your brother's. Did you copy his?
CLYDE : No, sir. It's the same dog.
___________________________________
TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when=2
0
people are no longer interested?
HAROLD: A teacher
__________________________________
Monday, October 5, 2009
BAD Experiences at the Super Market
Have you ever had bad experiences at the Super Market? I have.
There are a few near our house that I rotate going to depending on how I feel that day. The one that stands out in the Worst Experiences category is the one that rhymes with "BOPPERS". I went there recently to get some things we needed. They don't accept coupons because they claim their prices are so low you don't need coupons. Well you can't prove that to me from what I've seen. Actually their prices are usually higher than the others I frequent.
Anyway, I loaded my cart up at the local "BOPPERS" Super Market and after being certain I paid way too much for the articles, I started for the check-out line. There was only one woman in the line I picked so I figured I was home-free because I couldn't see anything she had other than a couple of gallons of milk and some bread. She handed the clerk some sort of card that looked like a gift card. The clerk tried the card and it wouldn't register. She tried again and still no luck. The woman claimed that someone else had given her the card to buy the groceries and that she was sure it should work.
During this situation I had placed all my articles on the belt waiting for this lady to complete her transaction.
Now the clerk calls her partner clerk next to her to see if she's doing anything wrong in registering the card. The partner can't get the card to register either. By this time I'm in line with my purchases for about 10 minutes. I look around and there are 2 registers open without customers, but all my stuff is on the belt!
So to get back to the story...the 2 clerks call the manager who brings his assistant with him to try to figure out why this woman's card won't
register. There are now 4 experts trying to log in this card! After another 5 minutes the woman says to the manager, "I guess there wasn't
enough money on the card for these purchases"...and hands the group ANOTHER card to try.
This is where my patience button has been pushed!!! I grab all the stuff from the belt, throw it into my cart and push the cart toward the managers office. As I pass the manager I state," Here's my over-priced stuff, you can put it back if you ever finish with this woman who obviously doesn't have enough money for her purchase!!...and I left.
Do these stores see me coming I wonder?
There are a few near our house that I rotate going to depending on how I feel that day. The one that stands out in the Worst Experiences category is the one that rhymes with "BOPPERS". I went there recently to get some things we needed. They don't accept coupons because they claim their prices are so low you don't need coupons. Well you can't prove that to me from what I've seen. Actually their prices are usually higher than the others I frequent.
Anyway, I loaded my cart up at the local "BOPPERS" Super Market and after being certain I paid way too much for the articles, I started for the check-out line. There was only one woman in the line I picked so I figured I was home-free because I couldn't see anything she had other than a couple of gallons of milk and some bread. She handed the clerk some sort of card that looked like a gift card. The clerk tried the card and it wouldn't register. She tried again and still no luck. The woman claimed that someone else had given her the card to buy the groceries and that she was sure it should work.
During this situation I had placed all my articles on the belt waiting for this lady to complete her transaction.
Now the clerk calls her partner clerk next to her to see if she's doing anything wrong in registering the card. The partner can't get the card to register either. By this time I'm in line with my purchases for about 10 minutes. I look around and there are 2 registers open without customers, but all my stuff is on the belt!
So to get back to the story...the 2 clerks call the manager who brings his assistant with him to try to figure out why this woman's card won't
register. There are now 4 experts trying to log in this card! After another 5 minutes the woman says to the manager, "I guess there wasn't
enough money on the card for these purchases"...and hands the group ANOTHER card to try.
This is where my patience button has been pushed!!! I grab all the stuff from the belt, throw it into my cart and push the cart toward the managers office. As I pass the manager I state," Here's my over-priced stuff, you can put it back if you ever finish with this woman who obviously doesn't have enough money for her purchase!!...and I left.
Do these stores see me coming I wonder?
Saturday, September 12, 2009
Violation! Walking down the left side of the hall!
I substitute occasionally in a local public middle school. Its an eye-opening experience. Those kiddies are sssooo small! If the rules and regulations followed in this middle school were carried along to high school and college we wouldn't have any discipline problems with the 15+ age groups.
First of all the kids line up in the hallways prior to the start of school and wait for the morning bell to ring. They are quiet and reserved and are looking forward to their day of school. When the bell rings (or buzzer to be exact) they walk quietly down the hallways to their lockers to get organized for the day (how can 11 or 12-yr-old kids be organized?).
Then the rules of the school kick in. First they must walk on the Right side of the hall. Believe it or not there is a yellow line (I'm surprised its not RED) down the middle of the hallway and God forbid anyone walk on or over that line. I've heard teachers (ALL of whom are in the hallways supervising) scream at a kid 20 yards away to get on the Right side of the line! Then they line up against the wall next to their classrooms. They must not enter until the teacher gives them permission. After the "go ahead" sign the teacher greets each one before they enter the class with a "Good Morning" or some other innocuous greeting to put them on notice that "Big Brother" is watching them throughout the day.
I've heard several teachers start to count down from "5" so that when they get to "1" there is complete quiet in the room. At lunch the Assistant Principal requires students to be absolutely quiet during lunch dismissal; if they are caught talking they lose the privilege of sitting wherever and with whomever they want at lunch the following week. This is a cruel and unusual punishment!
At the end of the day these youngsters have more energy then the Everready Bunny. I'm barely able to keep my eyes open and they're ready for another 6 class periods.
I was wondering if the staff at the middle schools could follow their students to high school and the high school teachers could slide to elementary school and work their way up again in the rotation. This way all the schools could improve. How come all the "Big Shots" didn't think of this? Might be a paperwork headache for the Personnel Department.
First of all the kids line up in the hallways prior to the start of school and wait for the morning bell to ring. They are quiet and reserved and are looking forward to their day of school. When the bell rings (or buzzer to be exact) they walk quietly down the hallways to their lockers to get organized for the day (how can 11 or 12-yr-old kids be organized?).
Then the rules of the school kick in. First they must walk on the Right side of the hall. Believe it or not there is a yellow line (I'm surprised its not RED) down the middle of the hallway and God forbid anyone walk on or over that line. I've heard teachers (ALL of whom are in the hallways supervising) scream at a kid 20 yards away to get on the Right side of the line! Then they line up against the wall next to their classrooms. They must not enter until the teacher gives them permission. After the "go ahead" sign the teacher greets each one before they enter the class with a "Good Morning" or some other innocuous greeting to put them on notice that "Big Brother" is watching them throughout the day.
I've heard several teachers start to count down from "5" so that when they get to "1" there is complete quiet in the room. At lunch the Assistant Principal requires students to be absolutely quiet during lunch dismissal; if they are caught talking they lose the privilege of sitting wherever and with whomever they want at lunch the following week. This is a cruel and unusual punishment!
At the end of the day these youngsters have more energy then the Everready Bunny. I'm barely able to keep my eyes open and they're ready for another 6 class periods.
I was wondering if the staff at the middle schools could follow their students to high school and the high school teachers could slide to elementary school and work their way up again in the rotation. This way all the schools could improve. How come all the "Big Shots" didn't think of this? Might be a paperwork headache for the Personnel Department.
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