When I substitute I always start off with a story. The kids in my classes who know me wait for the stories. So recently I told them about a great prank that was played on me during my time as Athletic Director at Mergenthaler Vo-Tech HS, a school located in the Baltimore City School System. I was there between 1980-1990.
I was the "Guru" of health back then. People would come to me for advice on what to eat, how to eat, when to eat, and ask about various exercise plans that they could use and keep up with.
One day in 1983 I had a doctor's appointment. They drew blood for various tests. One was a cholesterol screening. A few days after the test the Doc called me and said, "We need to talk". I said, "About what?". He then proceeded to tell me my cholesterol level was in the "HIGH" range and with my family history we needed to do something about that. So from that time until now I've taken three little pills that keep me on this side of the grass.
After I heard this news from the Doc I walked around in a gray "funk" for several days. My coaching staff, a bunch of fun-loving guys and gals, got tired of my moodiness and decided to do something about it. One day I walked into my office and on the walls, where I had many athletic artifacts saved from years of collecting, were little tags hanging by strings from each piece. I read the first, "In case of Schlenoff's death I claim this football helmet". My football coach's name appeared on the tag. I looked at another and the tag read, "In case of Schlenoff's death I claim this fencing sword", signed by my wrestling coach. All around the room my coaching staff had claimed all my "stuff" in case of my death. At 1st I was upset and then I started to laugh. What a bunch of morons.
But that's not all... a few days later the School Police Officer came to my office and asked me to come with him, he had to show me something. He took me all the way to the other side of the building and tried to open a locked door, which he couldn't. I said, "What's going on?", he answered, "must be the wrong set of keys, I'll show you this later". So back to my office we went. As I put my key in the door the School Police Officer start to back up. "What's wrong?", I asked. No reply. As I opened the door, to my utter amazement, on my desk was a full-size, pine COFFIN. After a few well-placed utterances by me, I heard some snickering in the adjacent office. My entire coaching staff, including the Principal of the school, were hiding in that office and they all started bursting out laughing at the same time. I started to laugh also until one of these jerks told me to open the coffin. When I did, out jumped my Assistant A.D. yelling "Surprise". After realizing I was going to make it through this prank without a major breakdown, I also laughed. These clowns had been in the basement of the school and found the coffin used in a school play sometime in the past.
Some time soon I'll tell you about another major prank (this one took a lot of planning on everyone's part). We did these things just to keep our sanity while in the teaching profession.
Tuesday, November 29, 2011
Saturday, October 29, 2011
Tell Your Kids To Have A "Plan B".
Recently I was featured as a local radio talk show's guest speaker on Maryland's 50,000 watt AM radio station. Actually I wasn't the guest speaker, I just called in just before their News Break on my cell phone which almost guarantees you get on because you can't talk too long before the News Break.
Anyway, the subject at the time was the horrendous cost of college tuition in the United States and how student loan responsibilities may far outweigh the financial benefits of a college education. Some graduates (or their parents) may be strapped with government (or bank) loans for most of their careers, if they're lucky enough to even find a job.
When I ride by college campuses, I wonder how those bright-eyed, bushy-tailed collegians are going to fair when its their time to get out into the cruel world of taxes, home ownership, commodity purchases, etc. That's why I suggest to those who plan to go to college that they consider a "Plan B". Even though you want to pursue a direction that let's you express your passions for life, remember that there are areas in society where you might be the only person who thinks your passions are important.
When I was the Athletic Director at a local City Vocational High School back in the 1980's, I had a young man stop by one day and ask me how much money I earned as a teacher. After telling him it wasn't any of his damn business he proceeded to explain that after graduating from this particular high school, with an emphasis in auto mechanics, he was earning $8 per hour as an apprentice diesel truck mechanic...and that after he finished his apprenticeship he would be earning $13 per hour as a certified diesel truck mechanic. This was back in the 1980's! Do you know what kind of money we'd be talking about if that were the case today?
When we had our house renovated a few years back we were told that the Master Electrician on site was earning about $40+K a year and a Master Plumber at the $46+K level. That's way better then most entry level jobs of college graduates who still have 20 years or so to pay off college loans.
I'm not suggesting that kids shouldn't plan or actually go to college, but the University life isn't a perfect fit for EVERYBODY!
KIDS.... realize that when we adults need help with Plumbing Repairs, Electrical Repairs, Car Repairs, etc., we sometimes have a hard time finding someone who is reputable, trust-worthy, and within our budgets to get the problem fixed. What ever happened to the Vocational Schools? We need to tell local authorities that there's a need for more of them again!
Anyway, the subject at the time was the horrendous cost of college tuition in the United States and how student loan responsibilities may far outweigh the financial benefits of a college education. Some graduates (or their parents) may be strapped with government (or bank) loans for most of their careers, if they're lucky enough to even find a job.
When I ride by college campuses, I wonder how those bright-eyed, bushy-tailed collegians are going to fair when its their time to get out into the cruel world of taxes, home ownership, commodity purchases, etc. That's why I suggest to those who plan to go to college that they consider a "Plan B". Even though you want to pursue a direction that let's you express your passions for life, remember that there are areas in society where you might be the only person who thinks your passions are important.
When I was the Athletic Director at a local City Vocational High School back in the 1980's, I had a young man stop by one day and ask me how much money I earned as a teacher. After telling him it wasn't any of his damn business he proceeded to explain that after graduating from this particular high school, with an emphasis in auto mechanics, he was earning $8 per hour as an apprentice diesel truck mechanic...and that after he finished his apprenticeship he would be earning $13 per hour as a certified diesel truck mechanic. This was back in the 1980's! Do you know what kind of money we'd be talking about if that were the case today?
When we had our house renovated a few years back we were told that the Master Electrician on site was earning about $40+K a year and a Master Plumber at the $46+K level. That's way better then most entry level jobs of college graduates who still have 20 years or so to pay off college loans.
I'm not suggesting that kids shouldn't plan or actually go to college, but the University life isn't a perfect fit for EVERYBODY!
KIDS.... realize that when we adults need help with Plumbing Repairs, Electrical Repairs, Car Repairs, etc., we sometimes have a hard time finding someone who is reputable, trust-worthy, and within our budgets to get the problem fixed. What ever happened to the Vocational Schools? We need to tell local authorities that there's a need for more of them again!
Friday, September 16, 2011
My Life as a High School A.D. (again)
Three more days...just three more, and I don't have to get up at 6am if I don't want to. I'm running out of ideas for making lunch! Teaching 2 P.E. classes, getting additional coverages cause they think I'm not doing enough; answering the phone calls in the A.D. Office, receiving/sending emails, checking fields, checking the Weather Channel all day to see if we can really play that afternoon; running out to the Archery course each day, setting up targets, giving out equipment, supervising locker rooms.....
Then there are the team problems: this coach needs printed rosters; that coach needs a new water jug since the spigot on the last one broke; this coach is pissed cause they have to play soccer on a smaller field when the boys get the bigger field; that coach has a sportsmanship problem at the end of a game; this coach won't let a parent pick up her kid after an "away" game b/c the coach says the "proper paperwork" wasn't filled out....etc. etc. etc.
And I'm wearing a set of keys with three different rings on them made up of 10 keys each...and I only figured out two keys that work!!
Just got an email from an Asst Principal that he needed my help in a "Practice Bus Evacuation" on 9/23....hahahaha, my last day is 9/21!!
Ain't I having fun?......three more days!!!!
Then there are the team problems: this coach needs printed rosters; that coach needs a new water jug since the spigot on the last one broke; this coach is pissed cause they have to play soccer on a smaller field when the boys get the bigger field; that coach has a sportsmanship problem at the end of a game; this coach won't let a parent pick up her kid after an "away" game b/c the coach says the "proper paperwork" wasn't filled out....etc. etc. etc.
And I'm wearing a set of keys with three different rings on them made up of 10 keys each...and I only figured out two keys that work!!
Just got an email from an Asst Principal that he needed my help in a "Practice Bus Evacuation" on 9/23....hahahaha, my last day is 9/21!!
Ain't I having fun?......three more days!!!!
Monday, September 12, 2011
Pet Peeves!
Sorry I haven't written in a while...so here goes:
Don't you wish you had a proper vehicle to put your pet peeves down in writing? Well this is mine. These are not necessarily in priority order:
1) Smokers who think the world is their ashtray when they roll down the driver's side window and deposit their butts on the side of the road. Don't you wish you had the nerve to get out of your car, pick it up, and hand it to them before the light changes?
2) People who say "Now that being said...". Don't you know for sure that something bad is coming next?
3) People who refuse to buy a hands-free devise while driving and try to make a left hand turn while you're coming the other way? Don't they know it's the LAW?
4) People who are in front of you making a left hand turn and don't pull up under the light so you can get through just before the light changes?
5) Police and Fire Department calling for donations who make you think YOU won't be a priority if something happens and you don't donate. They don't say that but they get you thinking!
6) All the octagenarian medicine commercials (Gasex, Viagra, etc.) during the Nightly News with Brian Williams. Who do they think the viewers are, old people?
7) The people who pull into the gas station just before you and don't pull up to the farthest pump so you can use the nearer pump.
8) The lack of regulated and timed signals in downtown Baltimore. Stop at Red, go one block, stop at Red, go one block, stop at Red...you get the idea!
9) People in front of you in the grocery line who detect the wrong price on a $.69 item and ask to speak to the manager.
10) People in restaurants celebrating special occasions right next to us while we're trying to have a romantic dinner! ...and the waitstaff singing "Happy Birthday" off-key!
Excuse me while I take a tranquilizer!!!
Don't you wish you had a proper vehicle to put your pet peeves down in writing? Well this is mine. These are not necessarily in priority order:
1) Smokers who think the world is their ashtray when they roll down the driver's side window and deposit their butts on the side of the road. Don't you wish you had the nerve to get out of your car, pick it up, and hand it to them before the light changes?
2) People who say "Now that being said...". Don't you know for sure that something bad is coming next?
3) People who refuse to buy a hands-free devise while driving and try to make a left hand turn while you're coming the other way? Don't they know it's the LAW?
4) People who are in front of you making a left hand turn and don't pull up under the light so you can get through just before the light changes?
5) Police and Fire Department calling for donations who make you think YOU won't be a priority if something happens and you don't donate. They don't say that but they get you thinking!
6) All the octagenarian medicine commercials (Gasex, Viagra, etc.) during the Nightly News with Brian Williams. Who do they think the viewers are, old people?
7) The people who pull into the gas station just before you and don't pull up to the farthest pump so you can use the nearer pump.
8) The lack of regulated and timed signals in downtown Baltimore. Stop at Red, go one block, stop at Red, go one block, stop at Red...you get the idea!
9) People in front of you in the grocery line who detect the wrong price on a $.69 item and ask to speak to the manager.
10) People in restaurants celebrating special occasions right next to us while we're trying to have a romantic dinner! ...and the waitstaff singing "Happy Birthday" off-key!
Excuse me while I take a tranquilizer!!!
Tuesday, June 7, 2011
Birthday Blog
There has been an overwhelming cry for another blog from me. Actually one of my ex-Baseball players asked me to write one because he was bored being a Doctor (and he could never hit curveballs). Anyway, speaking of Medicare, I entered into this fiasco a birthday or so ago. I'm not sure if I will ever be able to recoup the money I put into it through the years. And if I'm recouping that money doesn't that mean I've been sick? What a conundrum! That's "a confusing and difficult problem or question" for those of us who didn't do as well as others on our S.A.T. scores.
Anyway, things have slowed down a bit as this summer starts. There's only so much mulch to be thrown and so many weeds to be pulled. I've broken the "honeydo" chain by starting piano lessons again! I left off when I was 12 years old to the disgrace of my Mother. My Dad wasn't so upset as I replaced those lessons with a Baseball and Bat and seemed to do ok with the results. My piano teacher tells me I might be a prodigy on the piano if I keep it up for the next 12 years. At $86 for each set of 4 lessons its a bargain don't you think? Do you think she speaks with a forked tongue....and she only takes cash....that might be a clue as to my success as a reincarnated Van Cliburn. I'm very proud of myself since I've surpassed Frere' Jacque and Jingle Bells. Now how many of you can say you can play those two pieces without mistakes? My problem during lesson time is that when I play a bad note I tend to curse, and the teacher is a Morman. I think she is trying to get me to switch to the trumpet so I can't talk while I play.
So its refereeing some Swimming meets and going to dinner a couple of times a week with Geri. I don't play golf anymore; I quit after throwing the clubs farther than I was hitting the balls (sorry an old joke).
So I wish everyone a healthy and happy hot, steamy Baltimore summer (unless you're reading this somewhere in Canada where its much more pleasant that the Mid-Atlantic). We're heading to Belize at the end of the summer (its slightly hotter there) so I've got to start my Belize language lessons soon. What the heck do they speak in Belize anyway??? Adios!
Anyway, things have slowed down a bit as this summer starts. There's only so much mulch to be thrown and so many weeds to be pulled. I've broken the "honeydo" chain by starting piano lessons again! I left off when I was 12 years old to the disgrace of my Mother. My Dad wasn't so upset as I replaced those lessons with a Baseball and Bat and seemed to do ok with the results. My piano teacher tells me I might be a prodigy on the piano if I keep it up for the next 12 years. At $86 for each set of 4 lessons its a bargain don't you think? Do you think she speaks with a forked tongue....and she only takes cash....that might be a clue as to my success as a reincarnated Van Cliburn. I'm very proud of myself since I've surpassed Frere' Jacque and Jingle Bells. Now how many of you can say you can play those two pieces without mistakes? My problem during lesson time is that when I play a bad note I tend to curse, and the teacher is a Morman. I think she is trying to get me to switch to the trumpet so I can't talk while I play.
So its refereeing some Swimming meets and going to dinner a couple of times a week with Geri. I don't play golf anymore; I quit after throwing the clubs farther than I was hitting the balls (sorry an old joke).
So I wish everyone a healthy and happy hot, steamy Baltimore summer (unless you're reading this somewhere in Canada where its much more pleasant that the Mid-Atlantic). We're heading to Belize at the end of the summer (its slightly hotter there) so I've got to start my Belize language lessons soon. What the heck do they speak in Belize anyway??? Adios!
Friday, May 6, 2011
Softball Wars of 2011...almost over!
Apologies for not blogging since December. I'm very busy in retirement (what's wrong with that statement?). Anyway, after a long-term sub assignment in the Special Needs class I love so much, Geri and I packed up the Prius, with her Kayak on the roof, dog Pepper in the back, and headed for Florida at the end of January. The average temperature in the month there was 75 degrees. Sorry guys if you were in the Mid-Atlantic during that time.
We left at the end of February at 7:30am, temperature at 68 degrees and reached North Carolina 10 hours later, temperature 43 degrees. This did not bode well for the Mid-Atlantic. We arrived home with excellent tans the next day...39 degrees!
Two days later I started my college softball schedule with a double-header at Coppin State University vs Connecticut Central University. Connecticut was traveling south in order to get better weather at the start of their season (haha). At the 4pm game time it was 38 degrees and we were playing a double-header. It got colder and colder and the ladies couldn't feel their fingers after a while. Neither could the umpires. Thank goodness for UnderArmour because I had four layers of that miracle fabric on and was still shaking during the 2nd game. At least behind the plate I had some extra layers on with all the safety equipment we wear. At the conclusion of that event it was 29 degrees and the 2nd game (wouldn't you know it) was a blowout, 8-run rule, but it took us 1 1/2 hours to get to the 5th inning. I never saw a group of college players run for the locker room as fast as they did.
Most of the other D1 games I did were fairly uneventful until I got to the April 13 assignment at the University of Delaware. Their conference pays a pretty good fee for games so the gas and tolls I paid didn't seem to matter much. However, during the morning hours it started to rain and continued raining the entire time I traveled to their stadium. They insisted on playing (their choice) so we started the game in the rain, which began its destruction of the field in short time. We stopped the game 6 times so the maintenance people could apply Turface to the field (drying compound) but to no avail. We finally called the game after over an hour of this mess when one pitcher proceeded to fling several fastballs at batters heads...uncontrollably! On the way back to Towson it stopped raining (after 8 hours). I received a call from Delaware's Conference Office that we would only be paid for one game because we "didn't hang around to see if a 2nd game could be played". Can you believe that?
Then there was the Ivy League assignment at Penn vs Princeton. I got lost in Philadelphia with the directions I was given and arrived at the site 20 minutes before game time. We were supposed to have a 3-man crew but there were only 2 of us. Somehow we made them happy. On the way home I was traveling behind a cement truck who proceeded to throw pebbles on my wife's Prius. It cost $50 to get the window repaired. Another momentous day.
I have to tell you about a game I had the other day which put a cap on this season. I do some high school games once in a while because I enjoy working with young players starting out. The game featured two private school girls' teams that shall go unnamed. I arrived at the field 50 minutes prior to game time, no one was there. 30 minutes prior to the game the visitors showed up. 20 minutes prior to gametime the home team began "sauntering" in. Their coach came up to me and stated that they were having a terrible season and that the girls were losing interest (they were 0-11). Therefore he was going to play the game with modified rules. It would be a 5-inning game with a maximum of 5 runs allowed by each team each inning. I tried to start the game on time but one of the home team players only had one shoe so we had to wait because they only had 9 players. We finally started. One pitcher was throwing a perfect 10-foot arc (it wasn't slow-pitch...it was fast pitch!). The other pitcher was an Eastern European exchange student and she couldn't understand the strike zone. At one point a girl at bat asked for "time-out" because she heard someone sneeze on the bench and she wanted to say "Bless You". We finally got to the fifth inning after 1 1/2 hours and the home team scored a run to break a tie. They were ecstatic because it was their first win. They screamed and jumped on each other in a pile. However the other coach wanted to protest the game because we stopped it at the 5th inning (his team was 1-11). Apparently he didn't pay attention to the "modified" rules stated in the pre-game conference.
Its lovely being retired and involving myself in all these joyous occasions!
We left at the end of February at 7:30am, temperature at 68 degrees and reached North Carolina 10 hours later, temperature 43 degrees. This did not bode well for the Mid-Atlantic. We arrived home with excellent tans the next day...39 degrees!
Two days later I started my college softball schedule with a double-header at Coppin State University vs Connecticut Central University. Connecticut was traveling south in order to get better weather at the start of their season (haha). At the 4pm game time it was 38 degrees and we were playing a double-header. It got colder and colder and the ladies couldn't feel their fingers after a while. Neither could the umpires. Thank goodness for UnderArmour because I had four layers of that miracle fabric on and was still shaking during the 2nd game. At least behind the plate I had some extra layers on with all the safety equipment we wear. At the conclusion of that event it was 29 degrees and the 2nd game (wouldn't you know it) was a blowout, 8-run rule, but it took us 1 1/2 hours to get to the 5th inning. I never saw a group of college players run for the locker room as fast as they did.
Most of the other D1 games I did were fairly uneventful until I got to the April 13 assignment at the University of Delaware. Their conference pays a pretty good fee for games so the gas and tolls I paid didn't seem to matter much. However, during the morning hours it started to rain and continued raining the entire time I traveled to their stadium. They insisted on playing (their choice) so we started the game in the rain, which began its destruction of the field in short time. We stopped the game 6 times so the maintenance people could apply Turface to the field (drying compound) but to no avail. We finally called the game after over an hour of this mess when one pitcher proceeded to fling several fastballs at batters heads...uncontrollably! On the way back to Towson it stopped raining (after 8 hours). I received a call from Delaware's Conference Office that we would only be paid for one game because we "didn't hang around to see if a 2nd game could be played". Can you believe that?
Then there was the Ivy League assignment at Penn vs Princeton. I got lost in Philadelphia with the directions I was given and arrived at the site 20 minutes before game time. We were supposed to have a 3-man crew but there were only 2 of us. Somehow we made them happy. On the way home I was traveling behind a cement truck who proceeded to throw pebbles on my wife's Prius. It cost $50 to get the window repaired. Another momentous day.
I have to tell you about a game I had the other day which put a cap on this season. I do some high school games once in a while because I enjoy working with young players starting out. The game featured two private school girls' teams that shall go unnamed. I arrived at the field 50 minutes prior to game time, no one was there. 30 minutes prior to the game the visitors showed up. 20 minutes prior to gametime the home team began "sauntering" in. Their coach came up to me and stated that they were having a terrible season and that the girls were losing interest (they were 0-11). Therefore he was going to play the game with modified rules. It would be a 5-inning game with a maximum of 5 runs allowed by each team each inning. I tried to start the game on time but one of the home team players only had one shoe so we had to wait because they only had 9 players. We finally started. One pitcher was throwing a perfect 10-foot arc (it wasn't slow-pitch...it was fast pitch!). The other pitcher was an Eastern European exchange student and she couldn't understand the strike zone. At one point a girl at bat asked for "time-out" because she heard someone sneeze on the bench and she wanted to say "Bless You". We finally got to the fifth inning after 1 1/2 hours and the home team scored a run to break a tie. They were ecstatic because it was their first win. They screamed and jumped on each other in a pile. However the other coach wanted to protest the game because we stopped it at the 5th inning (his team was 1-11). Apparently he didn't pay attention to the "modified" rules stated in the pre-game conference.
Its lovely being retired and involving myself in all these joyous occasions!
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