As John Lennon once sang, "And so it is Christmas, for old and for young.....".
So I thought I'd write a little holiday blog to help promote the season.
I am probably one of many who have what I consider the advantage of diversity within the immediate family. I fell in love with a non-Jew who settled me down and brought a new variety to my religious teachings(along with a lot of love). Now we celebrate both Jewish and Christian traditions which we exposed to our young boys during their formative years. Most of the time my wife has to remind me of the Jewish holidays, I apologise for that folks. I guess I need to plug them all into my iPhone's calendar.
Holiday time gets expensive around the Schlenoff household. We've got to fork over presents for Hanukkah as well as Christmas. I keep telling my wife Geri that during the 8 days of Hanukkah each day is represented by a small token present. Apparently she's never received the memo. Hanukkah results in a fine written check for each one of the kiddies. There's also a lot of cooking going on, a lot of it by me, but in defense of our grown-up sons and daughters-in-law there was a recent resolution adopted to share hosting of the major holidays. I love it!!
We have a tradition to put the Christmas decorations on the tree (with a Jewish star at the top) while our immediate family eats steamed shrimp and other goodies (I was told that's in the Bible but I'm not sure what page or whose Bible). I supervise the affair from my outpost in my very expensive leather (not faux leather) chair near the outskirts of the room. We acquiesced last year to utilizing a new type of phony tree whose phony branches fold up like an umbrella for storage. What'll they think of next?
Very soon we will be celebrating another year completed with the best bunch of family people I know. There is no way things could have turned out any better for the Schlenoffs. A healthy and happy New Year to all our extended family and here's hoping that Congress wakes up and realizes that the next election is not the most important thing in their lives!!
Tuesday, December 18, 2012
Thursday, August 16, 2012
For My Republican Friends...
While doing a bit of research following the rather acerbic remarks from one Joe Biden, our esteemed Vice Prez assigned to fostering greater relations with minorities, I found some interesting dialogue attributed to Republican leaders from past years. Although these may not be as controversial as Delaware Joe's latest gaff, they are a bit humorous, especially considering the high offices they held or tried to hold:
from Dan Quayle:
"If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure."
"Republicans understand the importance of bondage between a mother and child."
"What a waste it is to lose one's mind. Or not to have a mind is being very wasteful. How true that is."
"One word sums up probably the responsibility of any vice president, and that one word is 'to be prepared."
"Welcome to President Bush, Mrs. Bush, and my fellow astronauts."
"I believe we are on an irreversible trend toward more freedom and democracy -- but that could change."
"I love California, I practically grew up in Phoenix."
from Sarah Palin:
"Polls are for strippers and cross-country skiers"
"He who warned, uh, the British that they weren't gonna be takin' away our arms, uh, by ringing those bells, and um, makin' sure as he's riding his horse through town to send those warning shots and bells that we were going to be sure and we were going to be free, and we were going to be armed."
"I love that smell of the emissions!"
"But obviously, we've got to stand with our North Korean allies."
A heartbeat away from the Presidency? Whew!!!
from Dan Quayle:
"If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure."
"Republicans understand the importance of bondage between a mother and child."
"What a waste it is to lose one's mind. Or not to have a mind is being very wasteful. How true that is."
"One word sums up probably the responsibility of any vice president, and that one word is 'to be prepared."
"Welcome to President Bush, Mrs. Bush, and my fellow astronauts."
"I believe we are on an irreversible trend toward more freedom and democracy -- but that could change."
"I love California, I practically grew up in Phoenix."
from Sarah Palin:
"Polls are for strippers and cross-country skiers"
"He who warned, uh, the British that they weren't gonna be takin' away our arms, uh, by ringing those bells, and um, makin' sure as he's riding his horse through town to send those warning shots and bells that we were going to be sure and we were going to be free, and we were going to be armed."
"I love that smell of the emissions!"
"But obviously, we've got to stand with our North Korean allies."
A heartbeat away from the Presidency? Whew!!!
Monday, July 23, 2012
SHOWBALL...for Baseball Wannabees
Had the opportunity to drive up to Long Island, NY, with son Adam, who was invited to be a Coach Evaluator at the Showball 2-day camp. The most exciting part of the trip was traveling across the Veranazzo Bridge. The lanes aren't even big enough for a motor scooter! Then, playing bumper cars on the Long Island Expressway. NY drivers are nuts!
Anyway, this camp features mostly high school rising seniors who want to show their skills to almost 40 college coaches. The kids are trying very hard to make an impression. However, some of them probably should have stayed at home and played video games.
There are over 250 players here from all over the U.S. Haven't seen any Dominicans yet. At $350 a pop I'd say this Wannabee Baseball Camp is quite an entrepreneurial undertaking. Even the coaches "get well" if they do a few of these each year.
Anyway, I'm enjoying sitting back and wondering just who of these multitude of kids might "make it". The only annoying part of this journey was hearing a Mom pestering her son about tucking his shirt in, drinking his sports drink, and making sure he checked to see if his name was spelled correctly on the player sheets! But that's what Mom's do right?
Anyway, this camp features mostly high school rising seniors who want to show their skills to almost 40 college coaches. The kids are trying very hard to make an impression. However, some of them probably should have stayed at home and played video games.
There are over 250 players here from all over the U.S. Haven't seen any Dominicans yet. At $350 a pop I'd say this Wannabee Baseball Camp is quite an entrepreneurial undertaking. Even the coaches "get well" if they do a few of these each year.
Anyway, I'm enjoying sitting back and wondering just who of these multitude of kids might "make it". The only annoying part of this journey was hearing a Mom pestering her son about tucking his shirt in, drinking his sports drink, and making sure he checked to see if his name was spelled correctly on the player sheets! But that's what Mom's do right?
Tuesday, June 19, 2012
Squirrels Are Not Stupid!
I'm convinced that there is one squirrel in our backyard who is "special". His resiliency is incredible and his ability to outsmart me is mind-boggling! When we 1st moved into our home about 6 years ago I built a bird feeder from a 4 x 4 post with hangers to hold the feeders. I refused to buy a squirrel baffle for $30+ so I fashioned one out of scrap metal which I made into a cone and attached to the post.
The squirrels left it alone for several years. Then a new marauder came to town with guns a-blazin', anxious to beat me and get to the bird feeders. He somehow by-passed my contraption and emptied the bird feeder several times. I saw that sucker up on the top of the post and I swear he was laughing at me.
So I got some additional scrap metal and fashioned a disk 8" wider than the previous one. He figured it out about 3 days later. Then I took some more metal and built another cone under the disc. Three days later there he was, on top of the bird feeder shaking the thing so most of the seeds fell to the ground. His partners in crime were applauding him as he took his bows.
I cut slats in the disc thinking he was perhaps jumping up to the disc level....No good! I actually heard the disc metal vibrating and that's how I knew this must be a squirrel preparing for the Olympic high jump record.
This morning I pulled off the disc and raised the cone up about 8". If he beats me now I need to see a Psychiatrist because I'm an emotional wreck.
But I refuse to buy a squirrel baffle online or elsewhere!!
The squirrels left it alone for several years. Then a new marauder came to town with guns a-blazin', anxious to beat me and get to the bird feeders. He somehow by-passed my contraption and emptied the bird feeder several times. I saw that sucker up on the top of the post and I swear he was laughing at me.
So I got some additional scrap metal and fashioned a disk 8" wider than the previous one. He figured it out about 3 days later. Then I took some more metal and built another cone under the disc. Three days later there he was, on top of the bird feeder shaking the thing so most of the seeds fell to the ground. His partners in crime were applauding him as he took his bows.
I cut slats in the disc thinking he was perhaps jumping up to the disc level....No good! I actually heard the disc metal vibrating and that's how I knew this must be a squirrel preparing for the Olympic high jump record.
This morning I pulled off the disc and raised the cone up about 8". If he beats me now I need to see a Psychiatrist because I'm an emotional wreck.
But I refuse to buy a squirrel baffle online or elsewhere!!
Sunday, June 3, 2012
Tornado in Hampton
We folks in Hampton ain't used to dealing with tornadoes. And I'm not talking about our Cleaning Lady who comes every other week and works up a storm in our house. While we're getting ready for a 7pm wedding at about 5pm or so I happened to check the weather radar on my computer and I saw a strange site. I kept hearing all this nonsense about major storms coming our way. The map showed a black spot over Towson while other areas were colored orange or dark green. I looked at the map legend and the black stood for SEVERE!
A few minutes later I heard what sounded like an express freight train coming down Gypsy Lane. All of a sudden the very dark sky got a pale white. I'm thinking, this ain't good. I was convinced we had a problem when the rain, wind, and major tree branches flew by horizontally. I've never seen wind like that either while sober or not.
So now we've got confirmation that a tornado came down Gypsy Lane at 5:30pm or so on last Friday evening. I fully expected to find Brian Williams in his khaki colored war correspondent shirt waiting to interview me in my front yard. He never showed up.
Don't mess with Mother Nature (or my Cleaning Lady)!!!
A few minutes later I heard what sounded like an express freight train coming down Gypsy Lane. All of a sudden the very dark sky got a pale white. I'm thinking, this ain't good. I was convinced we had a problem when the rain, wind, and major tree branches flew by horizontally. I've never seen wind like that either while sober or not.
So now we've got confirmation that a tornado came down Gypsy Lane at 5:30pm or so on last Friday evening. I fully expected to find Brian Williams in his khaki colored war correspondent shirt waiting to interview me in my front yard. He never showed up.
Don't mess with Mother Nature (or my Cleaning Lady)!!!
Friday, May 4, 2012
I'm On Broadway!!
So I gave up most of the Division 1 NCAA Softball I was umpiring. The Paint and Powder Club found out about this. That's the club Geri and I belong to who sponser several events during the year for social as well as charitable reasons. The big fund-raiser is the Musical Review in May each year. The Paint & Powder Club has been doing this "Review" since the 1800's in Baltimore.
Someone told the club I had all this extra time on my hands, and since they had been pestering me for the last 5 years to get in the show, this year I gave in. After all the rehearsals and rearranging my schedules I think umpiring NCAA Softball was easier. However, I love to sing and "showboat" so this years' show, "Bud's Broadway" was right up my alley.
We've been rehearsing at Pickersgill, a retirement/assisted living facility in Towson, MD for a couple of months, at least tree time per week. They gave me a solo in "Lullaby of Broadway", some schtick in "You Gotta Have Heart" from Damn Yankees (I think I was type-cast for this part), and some songs with the entire group that everyone seemed to have a good time with.
We recently performed the full show in front of the residents of Pickersgill who jammed into the hall with their wheelchairs, oxygen tanks, and hearing aids. We weren't sure they'd get some of the high-level humor but they had a good time anyway. One of the solos was "Springtime For Hitler", from the Broadway show "The Producers" by Mel Brooks. My good buddy Rick was costumed as Adolf himself. I think I heard one male resident say "Irma, get me my rifle, the war's not over yet!". I kept hearing one resident in the front row saying, "What'd he say, What'd he say?" to the resident next to her (who was fast asleep).
Only SNAFU I can remember was that I had to make a fast change from my "Drag" number (that's right, "DRAG" with wig and dress) to get back into my tux for the last song before the Finale. I was sweating bullets (they keep the heat up for the residents who are always cold) and with my soaking wet tux shirt and pants I arrived in mid-song (as I deftly snuck into the back of the line).
We'll straighten all this out next week before we run the show in front of the paying public (OY!). Thursday, Friday, and Saturday (5/10, 5/11, 5/12) the show will be at Magooby's Joke House (the old Timonium Dinner Theatre) with dinner at 6:30 with the show to follow. I heard the Saturday night performance is sold out (OY,OY!).
So if you're a talent scout reading this, keep an eye on me and turn your hearing aid up because we're not sure if the audio technology will be functioning well. Forget signing me up for a stint on Broadway because umpiring NCAA Softball is easier!!
Someone told the club I had all this extra time on my hands, and since they had been pestering me for the last 5 years to get in the show, this year I gave in. After all the rehearsals and rearranging my schedules I think umpiring NCAA Softball was easier. However, I love to sing and "showboat" so this years' show, "Bud's Broadway" was right up my alley.
We've been rehearsing at Pickersgill, a retirement/assisted living facility in Towson, MD for a couple of months, at least tree time per week. They gave me a solo in "Lullaby of Broadway", some schtick in "You Gotta Have Heart" from Damn Yankees (I think I was type-cast for this part), and some songs with the entire group that everyone seemed to have a good time with.
We recently performed the full show in front of the residents of Pickersgill who jammed into the hall with their wheelchairs, oxygen tanks, and hearing aids. We weren't sure they'd get some of the high-level humor but they had a good time anyway. One of the solos was "Springtime For Hitler", from the Broadway show "The Producers" by Mel Brooks. My good buddy Rick was costumed as Adolf himself. I think I heard one male resident say "Irma, get me my rifle, the war's not over yet!". I kept hearing one resident in the front row saying, "What'd he say, What'd he say?" to the resident next to her (who was fast asleep).
Only SNAFU I can remember was that I had to make a fast change from my "Drag" number (that's right, "DRAG" with wig and dress) to get back into my tux for the last song before the Finale. I was sweating bullets (they keep the heat up for the residents who are always cold) and with my soaking wet tux shirt and pants I arrived in mid-song (as I deftly snuck into the back of the line).
We'll straighten all this out next week before we run the show in front of the paying public (OY!). Thursday, Friday, and Saturday (5/10, 5/11, 5/12) the show will be at Magooby's Joke House (the old Timonium Dinner Theatre) with dinner at 6:30 with the show to follow. I heard the Saturday night performance is sold out (OY,OY!).
So if you're a talent scout reading this, keep an eye on me and turn your hearing aid up because we're not sure if the audio technology will be functioning well. Forget signing me up for a stint on Broadway because umpiring NCAA Softball is easier!!
Sunday, April 22, 2012
HOLLYWOOD!! (according to Geri)
It's 5 o'clock on Sunday morning and my iPhone alarm just went off. A few seconds later Geri's did the same. What the Hell?!!
Then I remembered...Hollywood awaits.
On a rainy, ugly, dismal Saturday a few weeks ago my wife showed up at a local college for an "Open Call" for extras in the soon-to-be production by Netflix of "House of Cards", starring Academy Award winner Kevin Spacey. Since then we both forgot about it as there were about 500 hopefuls who showed up to change careers and get discovered.
So the phone rings the other day and someone tells Geri she's been selected to play a Supreme Court Justice's wife, appearing at an Inaugural Ball.
I'm down here at the Baltimore War Memorial at 6:30am with 200 guys wearing tuxedos and women in black gowns. It looks like a State Funeral! Some of these "Wannabees" aren't half bad looking.
We're sitting in a "Holding Pen" with other "Stars" waiting for the word on the scene production. Haven't seen Kevin Spacey yet.
They just called her number to line up for the scene. What the Hell, she's a Supreme Court Judge's wife and they call her by number! Where's her agent?
Dammit, they won't let me go into the production area. So I wait here like an expectant father for the results. I've got jeans and a sweatshirt on, maybe I can sneak in as a stagehand.
Hey, are they gonna pay for parking???
They just announced that this might be a 10-hour day. They've got a "picky" Director. I'm leaving! Will update later. p.s. Cost me 7 bucks because they hadn't given out parking coupons yet!
I picked up Meryl Streep (er Geri) at 6pm. That's 12 hours of work on the movie. The Director took about 25 takes and from 9:30am to 3pm he wouldn't let the extras even go to the bathroom! Of course, Kevin Spacey could go to the potty whenever he wanted. The ballroom was resplendent with glorious decorations and the food tables were stocked with heavy hors d'oeuvres that the extras were told not to eat (even though in the movie they were invited to dinner).
So this was a 13-hour day of "Hurry Up and Wait" and you'd better look excited even though you've done the same thing 25 times. Want to be a Hollywood Star? Check with Geri first!!!
Then I remembered...Hollywood awaits.
On a rainy, ugly, dismal Saturday a few weeks ago my wife showed up at a local college for an "Open Call" for extras in the soon-to-be production by Netflix of "House of Cards", starring Academy Award winner Kevin Spacey. Since then we both forgot about it as there were about 500 hopefuls who showed up to change careers and get discovered.
So the phone rings the other day and someone tells Geri she's been selected to play a Supreme Court Justice's wife, appearing at an Inaugural Ball.
I'm down here at the Baltimore War Memorial at 6:30am with 200 guys wearing tuxedos and women in black gowns. It looks like a State Funeral! Some of these "Wannabees" aren't half bad looking.
We're sitting in a "Holding Pen" with other "Stars" waiting for the word on the scene production. Haven't seen Kevin Spacey yet.
They just called her number to line up for the scene. What the Hell, she's a Supreme Court Judge's wife and they call her by number! Where's her agent?
Dammit, they won't let me go into the production area. So I wait here like an expectant father for the results. I've got jeans and a sweatshirt on, maybe I can sneak in as a stagehand.
Hey, are they gonna pay for parking???
They just announced that this might be a 10-hour day. They've got a "picky" Director. I'm leaving! Will update later. p.s. Cost me 7 bucks because they hadn't given out parking coupons yet!
I picked up Meryl Streep (er Geri) at 6pm. That's 12 hours of work on the movie. The Director took about 25 takes and from 9:30am to 3pm he wouldn't let the extras even go to the bathroom! Of course, Kevin Spacey could go to the potty whenever he wanted. The ballroom was resplendent with glorious decorations and the food tables were stocked with heavy hors d'oeuvres that the extras were told not to eat (even though in the movie they were invited to dinner).
So this was a 13-hour day of "Hurry Up and Wait" and you'd better look excited even though you've done the same thing 25 times. Want to be a Hollywood Star? Check with Geri first!!!
Tuesday, February 21, 2012
Observations From The Front Porch in SW Florida
These are a few things that I found interesting lately:
-A sign on a lot near us... "Please pick up your poop". I believe the reference was to the neighborhood dogs
-70 year old women wearing Bikinis at the beach
-People walking barefoot on the Dog Beach
-Families with 12 year old boys eating at Hooters
-Guys who walk into the weight room with full UnderArmour uniforms on, pick up a 50lb dumbbell, put it down, and leave
-EVERYBODY underdressed at restaurants (This needs to be copied up North!)
-Retirees riding on Motorcycles
-BMWs, Lexus, Caddies, and Mercedes parked in front of every Goodwill Thrift Store
-Too many Grouper Sandwiches.
-Tag Sales (Don't they know it's called Garage Sales)
-Unbelievable amount of vacant storefronts (the economy ain't changing' down here folks)
-Elderly Seniors directing traffic (scares me a little but everybody needs a job)
-Finally, one bridge in & one bridge out of here....usually 30 minutes to get off this island unless you swim.
-A sign on a lot near us... "Please pick up your poop". I believe the reference was to the neighborhood dogs
-70 year old women wearing Bikinis at the beach
-People walking barefoot on the Dog Beach
-Families with 12 year old boys eating at Hooters
-Guys who walk into the weight room with full UnderArmour uniforms on, pick up a 50lb dumbbell, put it down, and leave
-EVERYBODY underdressed at restaurants (This needs to be copied up North!)
-Retirees riding on Motorcycles
-BMWs, Lexus, Caddies, and Mercedes parked in front of every Goodwill Thrift Store
-Too many Grouper Sandwiches.
-Tag Sales (Don't they know it's called Garage Sales)
-Unbelievable amount of vacant storefronts (the economy ain't changing' down here folks)
-Elderly Seniors directing traffic (scares me a little but everybody needs a job)
-Finally, one bridge in & one bridge out of here....usually 30 minutes to get off this island unless you swim.
Tuesday, February 7, 2012
Our Superbowl Party
First off, we did our best to gather a diverse mix of friends and neighbors in our rented duplex home in Ft Myers Beach FL. while on vacation. It was a hard chore coming up with just the right formula based on the interest level (or lack thereof) in Football from some of the invitees. The first to show up was my next-door neighbor Phil (name changed) who is always cheery but very perplexed since he's from New England and bet against the Patriots (now he's a happy guy). He's our chart man who pulls together the $$$ and sells boxes on the chart at $.50 a pop. Then came his wife Matilda with her HOT wings (I mean chicken wings you perverts).
Next to show up was Shirley who walked in with a Patriot's balloon and asked me where to hang it. I told her to walk down to the beach and let it go South (I'm still not over the sickening loss by the Ravens). Following Marie was John with his wife Delores right behind him. John had three bottles of wine in his grip and just wanted to know who was going to open the 1st bottle (he wasn't even all the way into the room yet). His wife Delores was the one I remember from last year who spent the entire game talking about unrelated things; in fact, she forgot who was actually playing in the Superbowl. She didn't let us down this year and left before the 4th quarter even started.
Our friends from Baltimore, Jennifer and Laslo, came with fresh veggies that they had just brought over the Florida border, avoiding the fruit and vegetable checkpoint set up by the Florida State Police. Betty and Carol were two Southern belles who spoke with Gone With The Wind accents (I'm still trying to find out if they were put on or not).
So away we go with the game (after that embarrassing performance by so-called celebrities struggling with the National Anthem). Why can't they just let the crowd sing together instead of forcing all those personal renditions by those getting the big bucks to show up?
At the start of the game we had 16 boxes un-filled. I overheard one of our ladies tell her husband "just buy one box, you only need one to win". Come on...$.50 a box!! Anyway, Phil & I slapped extra money down for the rest of the boxes just to make it interesting. And who do you think won the 1st two quarters?....MOI. After hearing all the complaints about how the card was rigged I merely stated that I had spent my entire allowance (given to me by my wife Geri) on making the chart interesting enough for everyone.
Well, we had a good time with all the folks and the food was good. There was only one problem.....THE RAVENS SHOULDA BEEN THERE!!!
Next to show up was Shirley who walked in with a Patriot's balloon and asked me where to hang it. I told her to walk down to the beach and let it go South (I'm still not over the sickening loss by the Ravens). Following Marie was John with his wife Delores right behind him. John had three bottles of wine in his grip and just wanted to know who was going to open the 1st bottle (he wasn't even all the way into the room yet). His wife Delores was the one I remember from last year who spent the entire game talking about unrelated things; in fact, she forgot who was actually playing in the Superbowl. She didn't let us down this year and left before the 4th quarter even started.
Our friends from Baltimore, Jennifer and Laslo, came with fresh veggies that they had just brought over the Florida border, avoiding the fruit and vegetable checkpoint set up by the Florida State Police. Betty and Carol were two Southern belles who spoke with Gone With The Wind accents (I'm still trying to find out if they were put on or not).
So away we go with the game (after that embarrassing performance by so-called celebrities struggling with the National Anthem). Why can't they just let the crowd sing together instead of forcing all those personal renditions by those getting the big bucks to show up?
At the start of the game we had 16 boxes un-filled. I overheard one of our ladies tell her husband "just buy one box, you only need one to win". Come on...$.50 a box!! Anyway, Phil & I slapped extra money down for the rest of the boxes just to make it interesting. And who do you think won the 1st two quarters?....MOI. After hearing all the complaints about how the card was rigged I merely stated that I had spent my entire allowance (given to me by my wife Geri) on making the chart interesting enough for everyone.
Well, we had a good time with all the folks and the food was good. There was only one problem.....THE RAVENS SHOULDA BEEN THERE!!!
Wednesday, January 11, 2012
A Funny Thing Happened On The Way To The Game
When I substitute teach I like to tell the kids in my classes a little story or joke just to break the ice. Most of the kids who see me ask for a new story. So here's one I told yesterday...
A long time ago, when I coached baseball at a local City High School, we were scheduled to play a game at a school in the Western part of Baltimore County which required a good deal of travel time. I got the players out of class early so we would be able to get to the opponent's field early and perhaps take a little batting practice (which I threw since my pitching staff at that time was strike-zone challenged).
We left school in plenty of time to keep to our schedule and I was deeply engrossed in some paperwork while traveling. After a while I looked up and saw that we seemed to be going in an unfamiliar direction based on the way I had traveled to this particular school in prior years. I asked the rather rotund female driver if she knew where she was going and she replied that she knew where the school was located. I asked if her supervisors had given her directions and she replied, "Don't need any, know the way".
When we approached the entrance to the Harbor Tunnel I knew we were in trouble. The driver pulled over to the side of the road and asked me to come up and speak to her. She said, "Did you know we had a toll to pay to go through this tunnel?" I replied, "So what, pay the toll and let's get moving." Her reply, "I ain't got no money to pay no toll!". Perplexed as I was, and figuring that our pre-arranged schedule just went to Hell, I replied, "Didn't your Supervisor give you money to pay the toll?", upon which she stated, "I forgot to ask him about it". So I quizzically inquired as to what she might require of me so we could get moving. She indicated that perhaps she could borrow the money from me. After profuse giggles from the players in the bus we decided to take up a collection from the players and me so we could pay the toll. I didn't have my wallet with me and only a little change in my pocket.
After collecting the needed funds we proceeded forward and I asked her where the phone or communication devise was located on the bus to which she replied..."Broke".
After all this fun we were late, lost the game, and when I called the bus company the next day to inquire about this driver the answer I got was..."She Quit!"...True Story, just one of many in the Naked City.
A long time ago, when I coached baseball at a local City High School, we were scheduled to play a game at a school in the Western part of Baltimore County which required a good deal of travel time. I got the players out of class early so we would be able to get to the opponent's field early and perhaps take a little batting practice (which I threw since my pitching staff at that time was strike-zone challenged).
We left school in plenty of time to keep to our schedule and I was deeply engrossed in some paperwork while traveling. After a while I looked up and saw that we seemed to be going in an unfamiliar direction based on the way I had traveled to this particular school in prior years. I asked the rather rotund female driver if she knew where she was going and she replied that she knew where the school was located. I asked if her supervisors had given her directions and she replied, "Don't need any, know the way".
When we approached the entrance to the Harbor Tunnel I knew we were in trouble. The driver pulled over to the side of the road and asked me to come up and speak to her. She said, "Did you know we had a toll to pay to go through this tunnel?" I replied, "So what, pay the toll and let's get moving." Her reply, "I ain't got no money to pay no toll!". Perplexed as I was, and figuring that our pre-arranged schedule just went to Hell, I replied, "Didn't your Supervisor give you money to pay the toll?", upon which she stated, "I forgot to ask him about it". So I quizzically inquired as to what she might require of me so we could get moving. She indicated that perhaps she could borrow the money from me. After profuse giggles from the players in the bus we decided to take up a collection from the players and me so we could pay the toll. I didn't have my wallet with me and only a little change in my pocket.
After collecting the needed funds we proceeded forward and I asked her where the phone or communication devise was located on the bus to which she replied..."Broke".
After all this fun we were late, lost the game, and when I called the bus company the next day to inquire about this driver the answer I got was..."She Quit!"...True Story, just one of many in the Naked City.
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