Thursday, March 11, 2010

Thank You American Idol

I am a very light sleeper. I envy all of you who can fall asleep right away and stay asleep for more then 6 hours every night. I can't remember the last time I got 6+ hours of continuous sleep. However I've found the solution. No it's not Ambien, or Niquil or Benedryl...those make me drousy the next day. The solution is AMERICAN IDOL!

When American Idol comes on, my wife and all of her friends go into a state of temporary coma. They become affixed to the TV and do not pause for anything until it's completion. Bathroom, telephone, home invasion...all are put on hold. When that show comes on I go into the bedroom, put on some soft music and fall asleep almost immediately!

How can you guys stand that show? It's like watching an x-rated horror movie. You know something bad is going to happen, you just don't know when. And what's this guy Brian Sequist supposed to be doing? I'd rather resurrect Jack Parr, Merv Griffin, or Johnny Carson to host that show! The only honest person on the program is Simon Cowell. How come the audience "boos" him so much when he's always right? And that guy Randy... why does he call everybody "dog". Aren't they (or you) offended by that? And Ellen Degenerate, she loves everybody.

Well somebody is making a lot of money on this stuff. I heard Simon has more money than Bill Gates and Simon can't even use a computer. And what's up with him wearing T-Shirts on Prime Time television. He's probably selling his T's at K-Mart.

Will this show go on for ever? I hope so, it gives me a good night's sleep!

Tuesday, March 2, 2010

Musings On Our Return From The Equator

Ok, so we weren't really near the Equator but I'll bet we were a hell of a lot closer to it in SW Florida then most of you were!

I have a few observations/questions about our visit to Ft Myers Beach and its environs:

• SW Florida has no right to offer February temperatures like we had...50's/60's daytime and 40s at night;
• I'll bet those visitors who had nothing to do but walk on the beach will not exercise at all when they get home;
• Why do women walking on the beach have to flail their arms so much when they walk?
• What's the big deal about bringing home chocolate alligators?
• A Prius gets sucky gas mileage when there's a Kayak filled with 100lbs of oranges & grapefruit and 200 lbs of luggage;
• The State of South Carolina should invest in fences along I-95; we passed three herd of deer having a snack 10 ft from the highway while we were going 70 mph with 18-wheelers on our heels;
• Why did Cracker Barrel display signs on the highway to join them for lunch... and when we traveled 2 miles off I-95 to get there the restaurant hadn't even been built yet?

Was the 18 hour trip worth it? You bet, getting away is great! How many years til your retirement?