Sunday, May 31, 2009

I Am Under House Arrest!!

I am under House Arrest! This was ordered for six weeks by Dr Rosenthal, my back surgeon, who told me not to screw this up this time. You see it took him 5 hours of surgery on 5/26 to correct my back problems, after three previous surgeries, which if you'd like a choice were caused by splitting 2 cords of wood, umpiring 50 college softball games, bearing the weight of way too anxious physical therapists, or all of the above.

So here I am sitting in the sun trying to make important decisions during this Home Detention: when to shower, what to eat for lunch, which cable news to watch or how many hours I can play online Scrabble.

I've got to be careful after this surgery because the great Doc told me the last fusion didn't take (he didn't do it, another guy did). He also gave me the lovely news that one of my previous stainless steel screws BROKE! I thought stainless couldn't break.

So I'm going to be a good boy for the next six weeks. After that there's wood to split, patios to build, mulch to throw, etc (JUST KIDDING!)

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

My Day at the Radiology Center

So my back surgeon wants me to get a Myelogram/CT Scan at a local hospital which shall remain nameless since I have a 5-hour back fusion surgery scheduled there soon. I show up at 8:50 for a 9:00 a.m. appointment. The Doc walks in at 9:00 a.m. and introduces himself. We chat for a while and I tell him I'm into swimming for exercise. He tells me he's planning to build a pool in his backyard so maybe I could give him a few tips. I tell him tip #1 is NOT to build a pool and to go to the "Y" for swimming. I then tell him if he wants to know tip #2 then refer to tip #1.

Anyway, he tells me to wait for the tech who will take me in the back and prep me for the pleasure of his sticking a 4-inch needle filled with dye into my spine so the surgeon will be able to see where my nerves are pinched. I could have pointed to the area but he said that wasn't good enough.

So here I am on a stainless steel table with a comfy mat about 3/4 of an inch thick and he tells me to make myself as comfortable as possible. Didn't Marie Antoinette's executioner tell her the same thing?

I wait in a facedown position for about 15 minutes and the tech comes in again and wants to know if the Doc showed up yet. I say no, but if he wants to cancel that's OK with me. He gets on the phone and pages the Doc, telling him to report to the Myelogram room. 15 minutes later he pages him again. This went on 4 times!!! Now my back is burning from staying in this same position for more than 30 minutes waiting for Dr. Kavorkian to show up. After the final page I tell the tech if he's not here in the next 5 minutes I'm getting off this table and leaving. 2 minutes later he shows. No explanation but a big smile. I figure discretion is the better part of valor (Shakespeare for those of you unaware), so I don't say anything as he picks up his pal... THE NEEDLE. Not too bad after the numbing part.

I leave the room and go for a CT Scan. That was easy and took 15 minutes. The tech tells me to wait in the patient's waiting area and he'll bring the Myelogram/CT Scan results on CDs for my surgeon. He comes out 15 minutes later and tells me "The Myelogram is worthless but the CT Scan was good". Now I'm furious but I didn't want to upset an already upset waiting room so I left.

Today I met with my surgeon and I started out by telling him of my experiences at his favorite hospital. He puts the Myelogram CD into his computer and tells me that there is nothing wrong with the CD!! Go figure. You just don't know whom to believe these days. Since I'll be laid up for 6 weeks, I'll have plenty of time to write more blogs. Aren't you all really happy for that?