Blog #10...The Great Cell-Phone Dilemma

Are any of you out there cell phone fanatics? I have an iPhone and its my one and only "Boy Toy". I'm really lucky because I dropped it in water and I thought it was a goner. But the next day, after I said my prayers, it came back to life. This was monumental because the guys at the iPhone store told me it had NEVER happened before that they knew of.

So now my wife Geri wants to upgrade her phone. She needs one that has numbers you can see because through the years the numbers have gotten smaller and smaller. I'm sure that has nothing to do with her eyesight. But finding a phone that has "senior" dial-faces is really hard. So she tried a Blackberry which had a regular typewriter keyboard. We brought it home and I set it up. I didn't have small enough fingers to press the correct keys so I had to use my fingernail. Can you imagine a phone costing that much and you can't even make it work with anything other than your fingernail??

Well to make a long story short, the doggone phone would not sync correctly with our computer. For those of you electronically challenged that means the data from the phone and the computer will be transferred if everything is working ok. This one wasn't working ok. I guess when you buy something that's marked "Refurbished" you ought to look up what the word means in the dictionary .

After 3 days of calls to Blackberry and the software maker it was finally determined that our "Data was Damaged". So I held up the white flag of surrender and took the little sucker back to the AT&T store today. We're back to square one. The old Motorola is working Ok but the darn thing is PINK and the numbers are PINK, so it makes dialing and texting an Olympic event (and you stilll have to use your fingernails).

I think I'm going to strangle the guy who invented cell phones. It would probably be better to strap our old Verizon landline to our belts and use that... if we could find a long enough cord!!

New Year's Resolution-2009

I know you've all been waiting patiently for this, so here goes:

New Year's Resolutions
I resolve to:

• Work diligently to promote a lasting peace in the Middle East........right!
• Remember to put the cosmetic pillows in their proper position after making the bed
• Continue to criticize Martin O'Malley, Governor of Maryland, at every juncture (that one's easy)
• Remember to put the toilet seat down after use
• Work extremely hard for the next presidential candidate who proposes a FLAT TAX!
• Stop calling my 30 yr old son "Butch"
• Help to restore the Chesapeake Bay by using our MD Dept of the Environment grant for a new septic system
• Change my voicemail message so people don't think I recorded it in a garbage can
• Try to remember what a lousy job this last MD State Legislature did so I know who NOT to vote for next election
• Increase my neighborhood watch so they don't steal anything else from my driveway
• Try to make "nice" with Hilary Clinton as she promotes our foreign policy
• Put a "tail" on Bill Clinton as he tries to promote his own foreign policy while Hilary's out of town
• Wring the neck of the kid (if I catch him) who continues to throw beer cans on my lawn
• Cancel my Verizon contract next December because of their terrible customer service
• Cancel my Heating Oil Company contract in April because they price gouge
• Increase my swimming laps to 1300 yards a workout (if I can find a free lane at the "Y"
• Try to think of any possible way I can get out of helping my younger son paint his new house
• Try to smile more often (my facial muscles are atrophying)!
• Try to figure even more ways to remind myself what a great wife I have (that statement is money in the bank!)
• Try to get more of you to read these blogs!!!!

Blog #8 Christmas/Hanukkah

Whew! If you think I look tired you should see my wife Geri! Can you imagine having to take care of two major holidays at the same time? That's what happens when a Jew marries a Christian. Nobody wants to get cheated out of anything so we try to accommodate everyone. The ones who make out like thieves are my two sons who get "stuff" and plenty of it for both holidays.

Tonight we're having 11 for Christmas Eve Dinner. Besides cooking all day and doing the final "wrap" on the presents we're trying to remember what we're supposed to do for dinner on Christmas Day ...and then Hanukkah celebration on the 28th with my side of the family!

It's no wonder that the psychiatrists have a field day right after the holidays. Folks are stressed out, disappointed, exhausted, and ready for a long winter's rest.

WAIT!! I forgot to make plans for New Year's Eve. I hope my wife isn't too disappointed but I was thinking of picking up some Shrimp Foo Yong take-out and watching a movie, just prior to falling asleep 10 minutes before the ball drops at Time's Square and watching the re-runs on January 1 during the day.

Well if it sounds like I'm complaining...I'm really not. This holiday season is really more important then those of the past because of what everyone's been through in 2008. Less fortunate then us are suffering. So before I do any more complaining lets just remember that old saying "I complained about not having any new shoes until I met the man with no feet."

Happy Holidays everyone (am I allowed to say that?).

Mr. Joe, WWII Vet, made it to 90 yrs of age

Joe O'Connor made it to his 90th birthday when his body finally gave out. When asked a few years back what the secret was to his long life he said he had done everything WRONG.....drank too much, ate the wrong food, smoked, and got himself in too many scrapes during his life.

He and Stella were companions for over 50 years. How many of us will be able to match that record? He was sometimes irascible and overbearing, but to Stella he was a friend and companion; they spent many hours at Bingo and the Boatyard where they lounged on his "yacht" that never left the dock in all the years he was "fixing" it.

Joe never let a dollar stay very long in his pocket. His money and he had brief visits...never trusted banks or doctors.  "Things" were purchased on a whim and very often those "things" lasted short periods of time until he realized he didn't want or need them (3-wheeled bike, motor scooter, a variety of boats).

Joe's beginnings were in Western Maryland on his grandmother's farm. At an early age (not sure if he was even legal) he joined the Navy. Just about that time World War II was experiencing its major battles. Twice he was blown out of his ship by German sub torpedoes, and twice he survived. He was one of only five shipmates who made it out alive from one of those tragedies. Navy buddies jokingly told Joe he was bad luck and tried to avoid any relationship with him onboard.

For drinking money Joe fought in several prize fights when his Navy ships docked at major ports. Whether he won more than he lost is a big questionmark. Its just like the fisherman whose fish grows in size every time he tells the story. If you believed Joe, he could have qualified for the Olympic Boxing Team, except he didn't have enough money to pay for cab fare to and from the fights.

After serving in the Navy he drove a cab and learned all there was to know about the City of Baltimore. While he did that he also delivered liquor to bars in East Baltimore. He worked at the Inland Steel Plant and retired after many years bending and forming metal products.

Joe's family did not plan on any service for him after his passing on 12/5/08, so this little piece will serve as the only record highlighting parts of his life. There are some plans by his family to throw his ashes in the Chesapeake Bay where he liked to fish.... that would have made him happy. There was an article published recently describing the astonishing death rate of our WWII Vets. Something like 1200 per day are leaving us. So Joe becomes part of that statistic.

So lets thank Joe for his service to America and for being around Stella for so many years, sharing in her good and not so good times. We'll be thinking of you. 

You beat the odds again Joe and made it to 90! 

It's Fun to Swim at the Y_M_C_A!!!

I'm a swimmer and have been so since high school. I got into serious swimming in the early 80's and have been an aficionado of the lap lanes ever since. I swim at the "Y".

There are several swimmers who join me on a regular basis. I'd like to tell you about a few of them:

"Bottom Man" is a breast-stroke specialist who swims entirely under water. I'm not sure of the aerobic value of this style other than extreme breath-holding. If he ever jumps his car off a bridge he will survive just on the ability to hold his breath (unless the fall kills him).

"Zeus" is a friendly guy who weighs about 375 lbs and only does the overarm side stroke. God help you if you wind up in the same lap lane as "Zeus" as his kick can disable several parts of your body at once. Obviously the rest of us allow him to swim in a lane by himself.

"The Green Salamander" is a very pretty young lady in her lime-green Speedo who has obviously swum competitively and is so fast that the guys can't get a good look at her under water.

"Mrs. Lloyd Bridges (Sea Hunt for those of you too young to remember) comes into the pool with a mask, flippers, and snorkel and never picks her head up until she's finished her work-out. Not very friendly, huh?

"The Slow Boat to China" is our Asian friend who "hovers" around the lane line. Many of us have to pinch him every once in a while to make sure he's breathing and alive. He's got to be 80 years old or more! God bless him for coming to the "Y" to work out.

I have fun at the "Y" with my wet friends. You should try swimming if you need a new work-out routine. Just stay out of "Zeus's" lap lane if you value your life!

PIZZA Strike!

For a very long time I didn't eat pizza. I used to go to meetings where pizza was the sole source of sustenance; I sat there watching everyone stuff their jowls but didn't partake of the so-called dinner. I couldn't get past the fat content or greasy feel under the crust. And the cheeses would have closed up my arteries.  

Well most recently I decided to try pizza again and see if my feelings were the same. Of course I looked around for some coupons and found some for Pizza Hut which is located near me. I called and asked what one large pizza with two small side salads would be. The clerk clicked her adding machine and came up with a total of $33.00 before tax. I said that I didn't want to order a pack of five....just one. She said that was the going rate. She offered me a deal for 2 large pizzas on special for $32. I was leery about this because if I didn't like the pizza I'd be wasting a second one.

I showed up at my local Pizza Hut a few minutes later and asked for my order. They grabbed a box and handed it to me which seemed a little lonesome without the side salads I was charged for.  They apologized and said it would only be a few minutes to make the salads.

I should have taken a hint about this place since there were a total of three people eating there at the 6:30 dinner time on a Friday evening.

Anyway, I received the items, paid, and left.

We opened the order and found the two side salads. One was filled to the top and the other was barely 1/2 filled. The bottom of the pizza box was darkly stained with grease that had escaped from the dough. After eating one bite we agreed these were tasteless, under-tomato-sauced and totally delectably-challenged. Not only did we throw the first one away, we tried to freeze the 2nd one in order to give it our son but he didn't want it either.

I went online to the Pizza Hut website and wrote a complaint about my experiences in their "Comments" section. They didn't reply, too busy writing commercials for Monday Night Football I guess.

I am now on another pizza strike! If you know of a place that would bring me back to being a pizza believer again please let me know. I have a bad attitude now for the Italian delicacy.

We're Buying Organic!

We have a very dedicated environmentalist in our family. She started this way back when she sponsored The Environmental Club at the high school where she worked for many years until retirement. In fact, she was the determining factor in making that school a certified "Green School" honored by the State of Maryland.

So now you see the pressure I'm under to go Organic. I want to speak to the Organic Police some time. How do we know that the farmers who grow organic crops aren't sneaking out in the middle of the night and spraying their crops? How do we know THEY eat organic? They probably go to the closest McDonalds for dinner and laugh all the way to the Dollar Menu!

Anyway, Whole Foods and some of the other Organic Markets are making a fortune. Ever see anything "On Sale" at Whole Foods?... and you never will because price is of no concern to those who shop there as they glide through the isles with their Birkenstock's on. All I know is I'm scared to death to go to Whole Foods. They give you these tiny little carts as you walk through the tiny little spaces. If you ask for regular hamburger meat the butcher gives you a dirty look and replies "Sir, we only sell products from organically fed cattle who are free-ranged and who are lulled to sleep each night with piped-in music from "A Midsummer's Night Dream". I tell him I don't want to date a cow, I just want to eat her for dinner between two hamburger rolls that are not made of unbleached whole grain wheat-flour.

Anyway, if I don't get hit by a garbage truck maybe eating this way will keep me alive a few days longer.