Halloween 2010

Went to a terrific Halloween party at the Plum's of Kingsville last night. Great house in the wilds of Baltimore County near the Harford County border. Host was dressed as Caesar, hostess as Cleopatra. Geri's creative juices were flowing so she dressed as an accident victim with crutch, blood all over, facial scars, and bandages. She had me dressed as a sleazy lawyer with my hair and moustashe blackened, dark suit, and a briefcase with $100 dollar bills hanging out. I passed out cards with my firm's names on them I.e. Skinnum, Alive, and Runn...Chasum, Screwum, and Craponum ...Dewey, Cheatum, and Howe, etc. My name for the evening was Rip M. Off.

Some other interesting costumes were: a guy in a box dressed as an NFL Replay, a woman in a box painted with bricks whose husband came as a bricklayer (only if he got lucky once a month), several guys in drag (not sure of their persuasions cause I didn't see female companions), several Phantoms of the Operas....boring!

One woman came in as a Flapper with lots of beads and a well exposed sternum area. She partied and danced around the house for an hour or so and then left. No one knew who she was or if she came with anyone. The host told me he didn't care and that she would be invited to all his future parties, weddings, retirement events, bar Mitzvahs, etc.... if he could find out who she was!

Our friend Judy came as a nurse, her husband Chris as a Surgeon. Unfortunately she tripped on a bad spot near the bar and injured her leg. I immediately gave her my card and started interviewing witnesses, preparing for a liability suit. Her husband, costumed as a doctor, didn't help a bit because he was dressed as a Gynecologist!

We had fun!!

Shame On You Baltimore City Schools!

I retired in 2004 after 34 years of teaching in the Baltimore City Public Schools. I must have inherited a good work ethic from my parents because I rarely was out sick even after some pretty dicey medical issues.

That being said, I have a perfect right to criticize what I believe to be a lack of organization, expertise, helpfulness, and common sense in the halls of the administration of the BCPS.

Most recently, Penny, a friend of mine, decided to apply for a new teaching assignment in another county of Maryland after teaching in Baltimore City for a few years. There is a window of opportunity that makes life a bit easier for teachers trying to transfer from the City to other counties. The process becomes much easier when completed by July 15. After July 15 it becomes more difficult, especially when one has to deal with the employees of the Human Relations Department (Personnel) in the City Schools.

My friend Penny received an offer to teach in a neighboring county and needed to resign from Baltimore City. The July 15th date had passed so there was concern whether Baltimore City would assist as energetically. The answer was clear shortly after the "magic" date passed. Her resignation was taken to the Human Relations Department in the City and accepted. Penny was given a signed form which indicated that she was terminated "without prejudice". This form was taken to the neighboring county personnel officer who told her they needed an "official" letter on Baltimore City stationary confirming the resignation. The Human Relations officer in the City told her he did not have the authority to produce such a letter and referred her to his supervisor. His supervisor told her that he could not produce such a letter and referred her back to the Human Relations Officer. Penny told the neighboring county personal officer about this and he told her to get the name and/or email address of the Human Relations officer in the City so he could contact him and work on this Catch 22.

Penny was then directed to the Records Office in the City Schools, perhaps they could write the letter. She followed this request to that office with multiple emails to everyone in the Human Relations Department of the City Schools she could think of. She received a reply from some upper-level administrator who said that the letter was no problem and that she would take care of it right away.

I sent an email to a friend of mine who worked in that same Personnel Office in the City for many years. He was so frustrated with the operation of that office that he left about 5 years ago and took a similar job in a neighboring county. His reply to me, after I told him about all this nonsense was "they haven't changed their ways since I left...in fact it's gotten worse!"

If I had any thought about NOT retiring in 2004 from the City Schools it was only for a brief fleeting moment. Is it any wonder that good teachers are leaving there in droves?

So you Want To Own A Timeshare

A few years back while strolling on the streets of Chareston SC my wife Geri and I were accosted by a rather decent looking young man carrying a clipboard and winning smile. We were touched by his good nature and apparent generosity. He was offering us a free meal and night's stay in Charleston. All we had to do was agree to be kidnapped for two hours and listen to a talk on a "chance of a lifetime."

Well we couldn't take him up on the night's stay because we were on our way to Florida but we agreed to catch him on the flip side. My wife and I both knew what was ahead of us so we reinforced our positions that we were NOT going to purchase a Timeshare no matter what was offered!

On the way back from Florida we arrived in Charleston assured in the strength of our convictions. Two hours later we owned a Timeshare in Charleston SC! We made the salespeople very happy. We were pleased that they were pleased.

Anyway we've used the "banking" option a couple of times for very nice vacations, one in Florida and one in Tahoe. It'll take us a few years to catch up with what we paid for the "Prime" week they gave us out of the goodness of their hearts, but we have plans for some nice trips to come.

By the way.....because of the present economic conditions they're selling Timeshares for pennies on the dollar. Owners can't afford the annual "maintenance" fees. They should change the name to annual "contributions" because all the collections from 52 weeks of owners in one unit sure ain't going to the "maintenance" of the unit.

So as we leave Lake Tahoe after a terrific week of unbelievable weather I leave you with this thought...if a guy with a clipboard walks up to you and offers a free meal, and he's not involved in Voter Regustration....WALK AWAY!! You can buy Timeshares on EBay real cheap!

One Down, One To Go!

Well, my older son Michael got hitched to a beautiful girl over the weekend. Nancy and Michael wanted it as informal as possible so they did the deed at our house under a fantastically decorated arbor in our backyard. The "quick" service was conducted by our good friend Chris Kahl, a retired judge who loves to perform at wedding ceremonies just for the free food and liquor! It was a small crowd because that's the way the newlyweds wanted it. It was scheduled for 4pm in hopes that our backyard would be in the shade by about 4:30 or so but the sun, and my neighbor's tree across the street did not cooperate, so the actual ceremony didn't take place until 5pm.

At the end of the ceremony Michael stepped on the (Jewish) traditional wine cup to indicate that the marriage would last as long as the broken glass...forever. Unfortunately he didn't sleep very well the night before and had to stomp down on it three times until his heel could find the cup!

The reception the next day was at Centennial Park in Howard County where the dress of the day was shorts and sandals. Everyone was appreciative since it was hotter that a Southwest Baltimore City Street in mid-July! The caterer was "This Swine's For You". They had a full pig presentation, pit beef, pit turkey, and lots of accessories. The pig did not speak as he was pre-occupied trying to survive the end of a 10-hour smoking in the pit. The food was terrific and the liquor was...well, you know how the liquor was.

Adam, Michael's brother, did his thing as Best Man, and told a few funny stories about Michael when they were growing up. He also brought a few tears to everyone's eyes when he confirmed how much in love he knew Nancy and Michael were from the time they first met.

So it was a busy weekend, and on Monday the newlyweds are off to an island in the Mediterranean. If they ever come back its off to Carney to move into their new house. Thanks to everyone who helped us celebrate the festivities Friday and Saturday.

My Baseball Friends

Over lunch today with my sons Michael and Adam it was suggested I write about something interesting....like Baseball. I have a picture in my living room of three baseball players... all catchers: Edward Schlenoff (my Dad) who played semi-pro baseball with the Fire Department in New York City, Me (who played at BJC and Towson University (nee Towson State College), and my son Adam who played D1 at Mt St Mary's University.

Baseball has been a major part of our lives. I thought I'd relate a couple of cute stories that many in my family weren't aware of. In 1967 I was a Senior at Towson State, playing Baseball on a team who competed in the Mason-Dixon League. During the off-season I had a couple of friends who were P.E. Majors in my classes, notably Jim Palmer and Curt Blefary. Both were Orioles stars who had World Series experience. I became friends with both and as a matter of fact got free tickets from them to Memorial Stadium during the regular season. I'd go 3-4 nights a week and just watch baseball from the bleachers.

Part of our P.E. classes at Towson involved "Professional Courses". They were 1/2 credit and covered various sports (i.e. Badminton, Wrestling, etc). One of these sports was Football. Towson hadn't started Football yet but had a coach picked out who would teach this class and prepare the school for a Football program after we graduated. His name was Carl Runk and he was really a character. He played Football and Lacrosse at Arizona State after graduating from Patterson High School in Baltimore. Carl ordered football equipment for the class to use. We had helmets, shoulders pads, knee pads, etc. However, Palmer and Blefary refused to get dressed in equipment because they didn't want to take a chance of getting hurt. Runk kept calling them "Sissies". He gave me an "A" and gave Palmer and Blefary "Bs". They were upset.

On weekends in the off-season Blefary's attorney organized touch football games at Medfield Elementary (near Poly). We would choose up sides and play every Saturday. Palmer was one QB and I was the other. Blefary demanded that he receive 85% of all passes when he was on my team. He'd show up in his Red Cadillac with the top down even when it was 45 degrees outside. I think he wanted to be noticed.

Those were innocent and fun days. Blefary would invite everybody down to Sweeney's Bar on Greenmount Avenue after the games. We stuck real close to him because neither he nor his friends ever paid! Blefary was a star and the bar liked having him around. Palmer never went because he was a goody-two-shoes.

I saw Jim Palmer at the last Baltimore Orioles World Series Reunion where Hank Bauer gave a nice talk. Hank passed away recently. You always thought of those guys as indestructible. Palmer even remembered my name. By the way, I told Palmer that there is no rule in the Major League Rulebook that says "The Tie Goes to the Runner". He's said that a 100 times on his Orioles broadcasts. I wonder why he looks so good; must be the Florida sunshine and a couple of bottles of Just For Men.

The most traumatic moment during my senior year at Towson came after Blefary gave me one of his bats that was used in the Playoffs. That was the best bat I ever had (we didn't use metal bats then). It had so many sweet-spots it could make anyone a good hitter. I made All-Mason-Dixon as a Catcher that year. However, at batting practice one day our 2nd baseman picked it up and used it during his turn in the cage... and broke it. I chased him all around the field with tears in my eyes.

Ah, those were the days...Archie Bunker, 1985

A Day Trip to Havre de Grace

Geri and I signed up for a day trip to Havre de Grace, Md. The natives call it "Hava de Grass". "Ya know Hon, up ere in northern Merrylin". This was part of a program sponsored by the Roland Park Country School called Kaleidoscope.

We met the bus in a parking lot of a Baptist Church in Towson. I considered going to the morning service but the bus was ready to go. As we entered the bus I viewed a sea of gray. This was no spring chicken get-a-way. I knew this group was elderly when two different ladies sitting near me were discussing their husbands' recent demise.... both of them were WW2 brides. The conversation in the bus was getting louder and louder because there was definitely a hearing loss problem among the octogenarians. While the bus was en route to Havre de Grace the same two matrons kept heading for the co-ed bathroom. I guess their anticholinergic medications (medications for incontinence) weren't kicking in yet.

First stop in the itinerary was the Visitor's Center in Havre de Grace. It was closed! 2nd stop was the boat dock. We were told to be ready to board a paddle-boat (Mississippi River Boat clone) at 11:15 for a 2-hour ride on the Susquehanna River with lunch served aboard. We were told this 6 times. Apparently the elderly ladies did not hear it the 1st 5 times so when the leader said it for the 6th time I also yelled out "11:15 is the time to board ship"!! At lunch we sat across from two retirees at a table for 4. We were yelling at them because they could not hear. It was a fun time.

The ride on the Susquehanna was pleasant and informative. We traveled under several bridges on our way upstream. We didn't know that the Susquehanna is 400+ miles long but only navigable for 5 miles. Can you imagine a 400+ mile trip with table-mates who could not hear and asked you to repeat what you said 3 times before they got the message?

Anyway, after the boat came back and docked. We had an hour or so to "schmier" around the quaint little town. Did you know there are no stoplights in Havre de Grace? They want you to trust their drivers. The only problem was that many of their drivers are elderly retirees and if our table-mates were any indication of how the rest of them drive I'm frightened to walk down the street!

It was a lovely day and we were glad to take a break from the busy schedules we have. You should try a day trip to Havre de Grace. Just watch out for the silver-haired drivers in their Buicks!

Fun At Ye Ole Ballpark

When you feel the constant pressure of umpiring Division 1, 2 and 3 NCAA Softball its great to squeeze in a local high school game once in a while. Recently I had a game featuring two local private schools. It was a lower level league as private schools go, so the main ingredient was having fun and not taking things too seriously.

There were plenty of fans in attendance, parking their BMW's and Mercedes near the field so as not to have too far to walk with their picnic baskets. Several showed up in golf carts (I don't know where they came from).

So the game began on a beautiful field of grass (legitimate softball fields have dirt infields). I didn't mind the grass as I didn't have to eat dust for 7 innings as I usually do and the players didn't get too mussed.

The 1st inning set the tone for the rest of the game. The home team allowed 1 run on 3 errors. The visitors then took the field and allowed 7 runs on 6 errors. The fans in their khaki shorts and pink button-down Ralph Lauren Polo shirts were just mildly irritated, which may have been caused by the sun hiding behind the clouds for a few minutes.

Later in the game one of the home team players informed her coach that she had to leave at 5pm for piano lessons. There was a mad rush to readjust the line-up. One of the visitors who had never played softball before took 3 pitches for strikes but refused to leave home plate. She assured my partner behind the plate that her girlfriend told her you get 4 strikes in this game. The home plate umpire disagreed and retired her to the bench.

A runner going to 2nd base with 1 out heard me yell "Out" on a play at 1st and thought I was talking about her, so she started to walk off the field until her coach yelled at her to return to 2nd base. Later a routine fly ball hit to the outfield was misjudged by the fielder, thrown to a cut-off who missed the ball, then when the pitcher finally came up with the ball she threw it over the catcher's head in dead ball territory. I believe several runs scored on this play.

All told there were 22 runs scored and 23 wild pitches thrown. I lost count of the errors. We had a lot of fun at Ye Ole Ballpark today. More fun than the 1-8 Orioles, even though the ability levels seem comparable!!